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"I got a call from the police station earlier today saying they want to interview me.

"The odd thing about it is that I don't remember applyins for a job there."

"They say we learn from our mistakes...that's why I'm making as many as possible.

"I'll soon be a genius!"

"Revenge CAN be bitter sweet, but if you sit back and watch, Karma can be pure entertainment."

"Next time you make fun of me, I will give your phone number to all of the kids and tell them it's Santa's hotline number"

"Revenge can be bittersweet, but if you sit back and watch, karma can be pure entertainment.

"Facebook memories are just reminders of how stupid I was just a few months ago."

"My son decided to swallow a nickel and turn 05¢ into $4400."

"There's a fine line between saying too much and too little. I walk that line like a drunken clown at the circus."

Marriage is when the man loses his bachelor's degree, and the woman earns her master's degree."

"There's a fine line between saying too much and too little. I walk that line like a drunken clown at the circus."

"Frankly, autocorrect, I'm getting a bit tired of your shirt."

MARRIAGE TIP #46"Your wife won't start an arguement with you if you're cleaning."

"How to frighten the new generation of kids:

"Put them into a room with a rotary phone, an analog watch and a TV with no remote. Then leave directions on how to use in cursive."

Me: "I want to take a trip."

Bank Account: "I highly suggest it be a trip to work."

"Everyone brings joy to the workplace.

"Some when they enter, some when they leave."

"Instead of saying, 'Have a nice day,' I am going to start saying, 'Have the day you deserve.'"

"You know, let Karma sort that shit out."

"I replaced my litter box with an Amazon delivery box, so whenever it's full, I just tape it shut, and then I put it on my front porch for someone to steal."

"I'm returning your nose, dear! I found it in my business."
—Julie Samsun

"Grammar: the difference between feeling your nuts and feeling you're nuts."

"My speech today will be like a miniskirt; long enough to cover the essentials but short enough to hold your attention."

"A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity, so I returned it to the store.

"They gave me another one...

"Free of charge."

"I can't believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That's seven years in a row now."

"Getting into a relationship may seem like a good idea, but so was getting on the Titanic, and look what happened there."

Parenting hack: "When punishing your kids, don't take away they electronic devices. Instead, take away their charging units, and watch the fear in their eyes as they use it less and less while the battery slowly dies."

"Wife texts husband on a cold winter morning: 'Windows frozen and won't open.'

Husband texts back:
'Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and then gently tap edges with hammer.'"

Wife texts back 10 minutes later: 'Computer is really messed up now."

"A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight typically live longer that the men who mention it."

"Our cleaning lady just called us and told us she is now working from home, but she will send us instructions on what to do."

"Cop:'So, I'm writing you a ticket for driving alone in the carpool lane."

Me: You're going to feel really stupid when you look in my trunk."

9 year old:
"What does the 'D.C.' from Washington D.C. stand for?"

7 year old:
"Washington Dot Com."

"My therapist told me that a great way to get rid of my anger is to write letters to the people I hate and then burn them.

"I did that, and now I don't know what to do in particular with the letters."

"I'd like to thank whomever told my mom that 'WTF' means, 'Wow, that's fantastic,' as her text messages are so much more fun to read now!"

"This book on marriage says treat your wife like you treated her on the first date. So, after dinner tonight, I'm dropping her off at her parent's house."

"Had a bad mix-up at the store today; the cashier said, 'Strip down' facing me, apparently she was referring to my credit card."

"You know you're a bad driver when Siri says this, 'In 400 feet, stop and let me out.'"

"A woman saying 'I'm not mad at you' is like a dentist saying, 'You won't feel a thing.'"

"I just want to feel wanted by someone other than the police."

"I didn't go to the gym today. But...

"The cashier's name at McDonald's was Jim, which to me, is practically the same thing."

(n.) Someone who is fed up with other people.

"The risk I took was calculated...

"But man...

"I'm bad at math."

"Sometimes I question my sanity.

"Sometimes it replies."

"My emotional support animal is a chicken:
"A four-piece.
"With a buscuit."

"A Chinese kid was born before the due date. Parents named him, 'Sudden Lee.'"

"If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?"

"Fitness tip:
"Stretching is important."

"Stretch out flat on your back. Stretch your eyelids over your eyes. Stretch a blanket over your body."

"Some people aren't just missing a screw...

"Nope, the whole toolbox is gone."

"When I say 'I'll think about it,' what I really mean is: 'I'll forget about it until you bring it up again.'"

"Dear Santa,

"Just leave your credit card here under the tree, please."

"I could give up shopping; however, I am not a quitter."

"When someone asks me 'Where do you see yourself in ten years,' ...buddy, I'm just trying to make it to make it to Friday."

"My mother:
'Your Internet connection is unstable.'"

'You should see my life.'"

"Always give 100% at work:
12% Monday;
23% Tuesday;
40% Wednesday;
20% Thursay;
5% Friday"

"If you call me from a private number, I will respect your privacy and not answer."

Mom, how about from now on you stop calling me 'your little pumkin?'

"If Plan A fails, remember that you have 25 letters remaining."

"When I have children, I'm going to make them watch the movie, '2012,' and I will tell them that I survived that."

"This virus MUST BE really bad in India as I haven't received a call in several days about my car's extended warranty."

"Did some financial planning this morning.

"It looks like I can retire at 62 and live comfortably for about 11 minutes."

"I can explain it to you; however, I cannot understand if for you."

"I was laying in bed last night, and my wife said, 'Honey, make me scream with just one finger.' So, I poked her in the eye."

"Sir, your son always causes trouble here in school."

"He always causes trouble at home, and did I ever call you?"

Home Schooling Update:
"My child just said, 'I hope I don't have the same teacher next year.'"

"Love is grand.

"Divorce is a hundred grand."

"Kamala Harris visits the border today...

"Between Ohio and Pennsylvania."

"Over 150 days now into Biden's presidency, and Vice President Harris has yet to visit the border. Literally, she has over 150 days now into Biden's presidency, and Vice President Harris has yet to visit the border. Literally, she has spent more time addressing climate change in space than she has in addressing our border crisis, and think of this tonight: In May of this year, there were 150,000 more migrants along our border in May of this year than May of last year, and this is a massive crisis, and she is just looking the other way."
—Nancy Mace

"I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford.

"Then I want to move in with them."
—Phyllis Diller

"Jokes about the unemployed people aren't funny.

"They just don't work."

"My kids said they wanted to try something new this summer; therefore, I showed them how to vacuum and do their laundry."

"You know you're in trouble when the little voices in your head start a chat group all on their own."

"Our cleaning lady just called and said she is now working from home; however, she will send us directions on what to do."

"Hey, Alexa, can you check my bank balance and let me know which Apple product I can afford?"

Alexa's response: "Apple juice!"

"When you ask me what I'm doing today, and I say, 'Nothing,' it doesn't mean that I am free. It means I am doing nothing."

"Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak."

"The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket."

"Eggs are fantastic for a diet. However, if you don't like that taste alone, just add some cocoa, flower, sugar, butter, baking power, and cook at 350° for 30 minutes.

"Problem solved!"

"You cannot get to the TOP by SITTING on YOUR BOTTOM."

"I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice."

"I'm sorry. I know I said 'hi;' however, I wasn't really prepared for any follow-up conversation."

"My new credit card has this new, awesome theft protection where it just says 'declined' whenever you use it."

"I pointed to two old drunks sitting across the bar from us and said to my friend, 'That's us in ten years.' Then he had the nerve to blatantly and rather obviously point out, 'That's a mirror you dipshit.'"

"People say love is the best feeling, but I think finding a toilet when you are having diarrhea is slightly better."

"It simply amazes me how much 'extra fries' and 'exercise' sound so similar.

"People say love is the best feeling, but I think finfding a toilet when you are having diarrhea is slightly better."

"Apparently a hacker got into my bank account and left me a simple note,

'Please save more money because this was a COMPLETE and UTTER waste of my time.'"

"I told my boss three companies were after me, and that I needed a raise to stay at my present job. Then he asked me which three companies were interested, and I told him gas, electric and cable."

"Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise, they won't come to yours."

"Childhood injuries:

Fell off of my bike; Fell out of a tree; Twisted my ankle.

"Adult injuries:

Slept on the wrong side
Sat down for to long
Sneezed to hard"

"I told my girlfriend about my millionaire uncle.

"Now, she's my aunt."

(v.) Screwing up several things simultaneously.

"To me, 'drink responsibly' means don't spill it."

"Just spent 45 minutes on the treadmill.

"Tomorrow, my goal is to actually turn it on."

"I went to the doctor, and he gave me two months to live; therefore, I shot him.

"The judge gave me 30 years."

"Hackers need to step-up their game and delete everyone's loans, bad credit and mortgages."

"I feel sorry for Netflix-era kids. They will never know the high stakes adrenaline of running to the bathroom/fridge/bedroom in a single ad break, with the beckoning call of a sibling screaming, "It's ONNNNN" to send you hurdling over furniture to get back in time."

"If you get a loan at a bank, you pay it for 30 years; however, if you rob a bank, you're out in ten years.

Feel free to follow me for more great financial services..."

"Texting is a brilliant way to miscommunicate how you feel and misinterpret what other people mean."

"People are usually shocked when they find out I'm not a very good electrician."

"A baby can drink a bottle, fall asleep, and people say it's cute.

"I do it, and people call me an alcoholic."

"If pooping is a call of nature, does that mean farting is a missed call?"

"Don't be ashamed to fart while you urinate. ...There is no thunder without the rain."

"You and I are best friends. Always remember, if you fall down, I will pick you up (...after I finish laughing my ass off first though)."

"I named my dog '5 Miles' so I can tell people I walk five miles every day."

"Your mind needs exercise just as much as your body does. That's why I think of jogging every day."

"My doctor flirted with me today. I was told that I'm too sweet.

"Well, the exact words were 'severely diabetic,' but I know what was really meant."

"I feel like my greatest accomplishment today has been NOT saying what I'm thinking out loud."

"My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee, it cleans the toilet bowl, too."

"The first test in any relatiobship isn't the first's the first fart."

"I had a fruit smoothie and went for a beautiful hike."

"I got drunk off of some wine, and I [literally] rolled down the stairs."

"When I drink alcohol, people say I'm an alcoholic; however, when I drink Fanta, nobody calls me fantastic."

"Horror movies with friends are comedy movies; whereas romantic movies with parents are horror."

"Being in a relationship is solving problems together; problems you wouldn't have if you were single."

"A taco is a love letter in a corn envelope that you mail to your stomach."

"I'll make my new year resolutions in February. Let me be sure this time how 2021 is gonna turn out first."

"I spent 14 years trying to improve my handwriting, and now we're using a keyboard for everything."

"I hate it when some Web site asks me, 'Are you human...?'

"No, I'm a mango."

"Paranoia has reached absurd stages...

"I sneezed in front of my computer, and the anti-virus automatically started to scan on its own."

"Some people just need a high-five in the face"

"'Revenge' sounds so mean. That's why I prefer to call it 'Returning the favour.'"

"Attractive doctors and nurses probably never receive accurate pulse readings from any of their patients."

"Did you know 'DIET' stands for 'DID I EAT THAT?'"

"Stay away from negative people."
"Stay away from positive people."

"Whoever invented Knock-Knock jokes should get a No Bell prize."

"This whole 'kill them with kindness' thing is taking much longer than I expected."

"I was thinking of doing some panic buying.

"Just checked my bank account, and it turns out all I can do is panic."

"I do all of my own stunts, but never intentionally."

"Instructors who say, 'Last one' are the reason why I have trust issues."

"I leave my house a mess so when my friends visit, they go home feeling way better about their housekeeping skills.

"I'm just that good of a friend."

"My new year's resolution is to stop procrastinating. However, I am not starting until next week though."

"Siri, why am I so bad at relationships with women?"

"Apologies, this is Alexa."

"My boss asked me to start the presentation with a joke.

"I attached a payslip on the first slide."

"List of things I am handling well:


"I'm making changes in my life, so if you don't hear from me, then you are one of them."

8 planets;
204 countries;
809 islands;
7 seas;
7,000,000,000 people

"I wish eight-hours of sleep felt as slow as eight hours of work."

"I wear all black to remind you not to mess with me because I am already dressed for your funeral."

"As kids, we wondered why our parents were always in a bad mood. Now we're like...


"Apologies, I cannot go to work tomorrow because I fractured my motivation."

"Two weeks ago, I told the kids to write an essay, 'If I Were a Millionaire.'"

"All of the kids started writing except for one girl who leaned back with her arms folded."

"'What's the matter,' I asked. 'Why aren't you writing like everyone else?'"

"I'm waiting for my secretay," she responded.

"I automatically scored her 100/100."

"Say what you will about women, but I think being able to turn one sentence into a six-hour argument takes SEVERE talent!

"They said a mask and gloves were enough to go to the grocery store."

"They lied; everybody else seemingly had clothes on."

"What did our parents do to kill time before the Internet?

"I asked my 26 brothers and sisters, and they didn't know either."

"Three things I am thankful for:

1. Family

2. Friends

3. Caller ID to avoid certain family and friends."

-When you accidentally wash your money along with your clothes.

"Visited with my doctor earlier today, and he told me my sugar was to high.

"So, I came home and moved it to a lower shelf."

"If you ever feel useles, think about 'ueue' in the word 'queue.'"

New word for 2020:

-the intense pleasure of leaving a public place and taking off your mask."

"When your girlfriend leaves a note on the fridge saying, 'This isn't working;' but you open the fridge and find that it still works..."

"When I was young, I was scared of the dark.

"However, now, when I see my electric bill, I am scared of the lights."

"I got called 'pretty' today.

"Well, actually, the full statement was, 'You're pretty annoying;' however, I focus only on the positive things."

"If you have an opinion about my life, please raise your hand. Now, put it over your mouth."

"If someone throws a stone at you, throw a flower at them. But remember to throw the flower pot with it."

Everything was fine until
Tue, 31 December, 2019

"Dear Karma,

"I have a list of people you accidentally missed."

"I was taught to think before I act. So, if I punch you, rest assured, I've thought about it, and I am confident in my decision."

"8-year-olds today have Facebook, Twitter, iphones and ipods. When I was 8, I had a colouring book, crayons and an imagination."

"Stepped on my scale this morning, and it said, 'Please use social distancing; one person at a time.'"

"Yesterday, I wore something that I received 5 years ago, and it actually still fit. I was SO PROUD of myself!

"It was a scarf, but still...let's be positive here."

Me to my daughter: "It's important to be direct about your feelings, and have open and honest communication."

Me to my husband: "If you don't understand why I'm upset, I'm not going to explain it to you."

"Three may keep a secret if two of them are dead."
—Benjamin Franklin

"If they had just called it 'the stay at home challenge,' and posted it on Facebook, the virus would be long gone by now."

"If you walk into a forest and cut a tree down, but the tree doesn't understand why you cut it down...

"Do you think it is stumped?"


"There will be a minor baby boom in 9 months, and then one day in 2033, we shall witness the rise of the QUARANTEENS."

"History is never made by those who use incognito browsers."

"Two wrongs don't make a right; take your parents for example."

"Alexa, What's the weather supposed to be tomorrow?"

"Don't worry about it! You a'int going anywhere."

"Whoever invented the term 'emotional baggage' lost the opportunity to call it 'griefcase.'"

"'Vegetarian' is an old Indian word for 'Bad hunter.'"

"At the age of 65, my grandma started walking five miles a day.

"She's 92 now, and we have no idea where she is."

"When I was a kid, I wanted to be older...

"This shit is not what I expected."

"105 year-old woman's remedies to her health: 'For better digestion, I drink beer. In the case of appetite loss, I drink white wine. In the case of low blood pressure, I drink scotch. And when I have a cold, I drink Schnapps.'

"When do you drink water?"

"I've never been that sick."

"I hate it when I see an old person and then realize that we went to high school together."

"'Lazy' is a very strong word. Instead, I like to call it 'Selective Participation.'"

"Even in this Lockdown situation, my parents want me to wake up early and do nothing."

"Practical advice:

"If all the toilets in your house are occupied, and you are waiting for one to be free, simply turn off the WiFi."

"It's like we all complained about what a shit year 2019 was, and 2020 is like, 'Here, hold my Corona.'"

"I have often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming."

"Due to my isolation, I finished three books yesterday, and believe me, that's A LOT of colouring."

"Never in a million years could I have imagined going to a bank teller with a mask on and asking for money."

"I've expanded my skills.

"Now, I can now forget what I'm doing while actually doing it."

"I don't like making plans for the day because then the word 'premeditated' gets thrown around in the courtoom."
—Sara Edge

"The dumbest thing I have ever done was purchase a 2020 planner."

Something you're buying to literally just throw away.

"I did a push-up today.

"Well, actually I fell down, but I had to use my arms to get back up; therefore...

"Close enough.

"Now, I need some chocolate for this major accomplishment."

"Some people manage stress with yoga, meditation and a long walk.

"However, I manage stress with simple carbs, sarcasm and [fucking] swearing."

"Be good to your spouse.

"Remember, right now they could poison you, and it would be counted as a Covid death."

"The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are filled with doubt, whereas the stupid people are filled with confidence."
—Charles Burkowski

"I'm going to put an 'Out of Order' sticker on my forehead and call it a day."

"Taking naps sounds so childish. I prefer to call them horizontal life pauses."

"I wanted to send you something sexy, but the mailman told me to get out of the mailbox."

"Give me coffee to change the the things I can and tequila to accept the things I can't."

"2020 is what 2012 tried to be but failed so miserably at doing."

"If my kids EVER complain about being bored, I'm going to hit them with, 'Back in 2020...'"

"My job has this really fun habit of adding more responsibilities to my to-do list without adding more money to my paycheck."

"Can't wait to get this over with so I can go back to social distancing on my own terms."

"I'm having a quarantine party this weekend, and none of you are invited."

"My mom always told me I wouldn't accomplish anything by lying in bed all day. But look at me now, I'm saving the world!"

"Just before I die, I am going swallow a bag of popcorn kernels.

"My cremation is going to be EPIC!!"

"This virus 'aint that serious."
—Atlantis Walker

"I need to go on medication so I can slap stupid people and blame it on the side effects."

An individual who embraces their 'FLAWS' and knows they're AWESOME regardless."

"And the CDC were not wrong; there are now several dozen confirmed cases here in the United States with the first death coming just yesterday. Meanwhile, the stockmarket has taken the worst one-week dive since 2008, and many Americans are questioning about how to stay safe."

"Joy Johnson e-mailed us asking, 'Can I get coronavirus from a package delivered from China?' That's a great question."

"Talk about these masks; do we get them or don't we?"

"Some people are wondering if you can protect yourself from the virus by gargling with bleach or taking steroids?"

"Can you get the coronavirus by eating Chinese food?"

"NO! No you can't! Of course, you can't get the coronavirus from eating Chinese food; in fact, if you are eating at a Panda Express, you can't even get Chinese food by eating 'Chinese food.'

"Although, I will say this, you are unlikely to get the coronavirus if you regularly gargle bleach because you know what they say, 'Being dead is already the best medicine.'"
—John Oliver

"One kid asked me, 'What is stress?'

"I locked him in a room with high-speed internet and 1% battery."

"If you see someone wearing camouflage, make sure to walk right into them so they how well it is working."

"Next time a stranger talks to me when I am alone, I will look at him shocked and just whisper quietly, 'You can see me?'"

"I didn't mean to push all of your buttons. I was just looking for mute."

"So, you mean to tell me that the stress ball isn't for throwing at people who stress me out?"

"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not very sure."

"I saw people through the window today.

"That's enough social interaction."

"I'm awkward when pleople compliment me, 'Nice hair.'

"Thanks, I grew it myself."

"I'm going to retire and live off of my savings.

"What I'll do the second day, I have no idea."

"My wife just stopped and said, 'You weren't even listening were you?'

"I thought...'That's a pretty weird way to start a conversation.'"

"Cupcakes are muffins that believed in miracles."

"A lot of days I expect my horoscope to say, 'Just don't kill anyone today.'"

"I'm not saying I hate you; what I'm saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life."

"Never laugh at your wife's choices.

"You were one of them."

"Everyone has the right to be's just that some people abuse that privilege."

"It's Thursday, or as I like to call it: 'Day four of a the hostage situation.'"

"I'll call it a smartphone the day I yell, 'Where's my phone!?' and it yells back at me, 'Down here in the cushions!'"

"There are three kinds of people in this world: Those who are good at math; and those who aren't."

"They say, 'Don't try this at home.'

"So, I am going to my friend's house and will try it there."

"An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough."

"Titanic be like, 'I nominate all passengers for the ice-bucket challenge.'"

"There are two rules in life:

"Never give out all the information."

"You're fat.

"Don't sugarcoat it 'cause you'll eat that, too."
—Dr. Phil

"Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you're stupid and make bad decisions."
—Bill Murray

"The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650-million years despite not having a brain is good news for you."


"Where we put the 'FUN' in dysfunctional!'"

"I am in one of those moods where I want to throw a book at someone's face and be like, 'I facebooked you.'"

"Just for your information, I saw that coming."

"My wife asked me why I spoke so softly in the house. I said, 'I was afraid Mark Zuckerberg was listening!' She laughed. I laughed. Also, Alexa and Siri laughed."

"Maybe money doesn't buy happiness, but I am accepting donations to test that theory."

"Yeah, I lost your number.

"I lost it when I hit 'delete.'"

"Alcohol does not make you FAT. It makes you Lean...

"Against tables, chairs, floors, walls and ugly people."

Interviewer: "What did you like most about your last job?"

Me: "Sometimes, people had birthdays, and there was free cake."

"When people tell me they're 'spiritual,' I'm like, 'Demons are spirits, too. Be more specific.'"

"Nothing messes up your Friday like finding out it's only Tuesday."

"Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding the other person is a complete idiot."

"My room is not messy; it is an obstacle course designed to keep me fit."

Getting hit by an ambulance.

"I was asked what I look for in a relationship...

"Apparently, 'A way out,' was not the right answer."

"When someone says, 'Expect the unexpected,' slap them and ask, 'You didn't expect that, did you?'"

"So, it is pretty clear for meaningful gun reform is there, but as always, a key obstacle is the NRA. An organization whose former president once famously said, 'You can have his gun when you pry it from his cold, dead hands'...and guess what...that's what I fucking did."
John Oliver

"FUNERALS are basically family REUNIONS minus one person."

"Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands."

"What happens when you cross an elephant with a rhino?

—Ryan Eggold, 'Dr. Max Goodwin'

"Make more grammatical mistakes; give some people an reason to live." 🙂

"I hope that when I ask my doctor about lowering my blood pressure, he recommends quitting my job."

"My grandmother, who passed away from Alzheimer's, had more rights than you do in your right mind."

"Three out of four voices in my head want to sleep. The other wants to know if penguins have knees."

"If Chuck Norris wants you to know where he is, he'll find you. If he doesn't, you won't know until it's too late."

"I'm more confused than a chameleon in a bag of skittles."

"You don't go to a disaster zone to push your product; 'The Dyson vacuum uses the same cyclonic action that the tornado just destroyed this town with.'"
—Stephen Colbert

"Anton stopped more shots than a Mormon at an Irish wake."
—Daryl "Razor," Reaugh

"Here's one from ABC News that reads, 'Man uses a pair of tongs to rob a Whataburger.' That's the headline; the honest headline should have said, 'Whataburglar.'"
—James Corden

"I'm not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone."

"There is something invisible and intangible in the air that makes our lives better."


"Actually, Wi-Fi."

"I don't hate you, I'm just not necessarily excited about your existence."

"You know you're a Texan when...

It snows for no more than twenty seconds, and the entire state shuts down."

"And just a reminder to everyone: I'm here to make jokes; I have no agenda; I'm not trying to get anything accomplished, so everyone that's here from Congress, you should feel right at home."
—Michelle Wolf

"Let's get one thing straight; I'm not."

"I am going to go stand outside. So, if anyone asks, I'm outstanding."

"I love everybody. Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid, and some I love to punch in the face."

"I could be a morning person if morning happened around noon."

"Stay an extra hour in the office, and no one cares.

"Arrive at 9:05, and everyone loses their minds."

"You never appreciate what you have 'til it's gone. Toilet paper is a good example."

"I don't need anger management.

"I need people to stop making me angry."

"Some people like to argue against having trans women in women-only spaces because it's not 'safe.'

"I'm a cis woman in a house with two trans women. The only thing not safe is my lip gloss, which sometimes ends up in my wife's purse.

"Trans women are women, and this fear is unfounded."
—Amanda Jette Knox

"The word 'phonetically' doesn't even begin with an 'f.' Shit like this is why aliens fly straight past us."

"I must have an amazing butt.

"Every time I walk away from someone, I hear them whisper, 'Such an ass.'"

"The stock market is just like the rest of us.

"It spent January working on improving itself; then in February, it said, 'Fuck it.'"
—Stephen Colbert

"I'm not saying, 'Let's kill all the stupid people.'

"I'm just saying, 'Let's remove all of the warning labels, and let the problem sort itself out.'"

"I asked an old man, 'Even after 95 years, you still call your wife 'Darling,' 'Honey' and 'Love.' What's the secret?'

"His response, 'I forgot her name ten years ago, and I'm afraid to ask her.'"

"Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock."

"I've taken up photography because it's the only hobby where you can shoot people and cut their heads off without going to jail."

"Karma bus delayed due to high demand. Don't worry; it's coming."

"I'm so broke this new years, I'm gonna party like it's $19.99."

"Obama's Legacy went down faster than Monica Lewinsky on Bill Clinton."

"But here's the thing—this is important—Disney isn't buying all of Fox; they're not taking Fox Sports, the Fox Broadcast Network, and also not included in the aquisition, Fox News, which really is surprising because you would think that the 'masters of fantasy and imagination' would want to be bought by Disney."
Stephen Colbert

"I guess those enlargement pills are working because you're twice the dick you were yesterday."

"Arguing with idiots is like playing chess with a pigeon...No matter how good you are, the bird is going to shit on the board and strut around like it won anyway."

"Out of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most."
—Mark Twain

"I see myself as an intelligent, sensitive human, with the soul of a clown, which forces me to blow it at the most important moments."
—Jim Morrison

"BTW, I have been meaning to write about my graduation. It didn't feel like anything special; I just walked across the stage. But I didn't get anything out of it.

"Well, except for the diploma."
—Nikki Holmes

"Full-face, skull tattoo...bad idea.

"Poorly done, full-face, skull tattoo...worse idea.

"Poorly done, full-face, skull tattoo on a person on the run from law...Liberal idea."

"Some people's birth certificates should instead be apology letters from the condom factory."

"My brain is like the Bermuda Triangle...information goes in, and then it's never found again."

"This week, Congress is going to vote on deregulating gun silencers. Yeah, because I guess Congress is thinking, 'Gun violence is out of control; how can we make it quieter? Yeah, how can we do that?'"
—Trevor Noah

"Who the fuck needs a social life? I have the voices in my head to keep me company."
—Ticci Toby

"Reality Winner leaked information about a reality denier who tried to influence the election about a reality host who is detached from reality. So, now the winner is the loser, and this loser who helped this loser win is the winner; and that is our reality."
Seth Meyers

"Trump is continuing his world-win tour overseas. He met with the Pope today in Rome; it was a good meeting, but it got awkward when the Pope asked Trump if he wanted to confess, and Trump was like, 'I don't know anything about Russia.'"
—James Corden

"I was in the lower-third of my high school class. If it were not for people like me, there could not have been an upper-half of the class."
—Lou Holtz

"But you know what, if you have fun doing something, people have fun being around. Every day when I walked out on the football field, I'd say, 'What a great day to work,' and I meant it because if you have fun being there, people have fun being around. It doesn't mean that I don't do dumb things, and sometimes I wasn't real honest.

"One time, Mark May said something about my golf game; I said, 'I'm the best golfer at Lake Nona, and I mean that. I'm not joking.'

"At Lake Nona, we have all sorts of touring pros: Ian Poulter; Justin Rose; Graeme McDowell; Henrik Stenson. I mean, everybody at that club was all over me. 'You're a lousy golfer. You lied on TV!' And I told them, '300 members called me a liar, but 300-million people think I'm a hell of a golfer.'

"I figured, pretty good odds."
—Lou Holtz

a mystical place where 99% of all human productivity, motivation and achievement is stored.

"If your parents call you a liar, remind them about the tooth fairy and Santa Claus. Then walk away like a boss."

"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first, make sure you are not, in fact, surrounded by assholes."
—William Gibson

"Here's the actual footage, the president praising women's unique capabilities.

'To be honest, whether you are a woman or whether you are a man, you have that same dream; you want to be able to dream.

'You just have a big advantage over us, you know why? Right there (points to cranium). Ha, ha.'

"Yeah, women are just so much smarter than men. I don't know why we didn't elect one president?"
—Stephen Colbert

"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."
—Joe Theismann

"I can go to my left or right, I am amphibious."
—Charles Shackelford

"He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning, regardless of what time it is."
—Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regimen of heavyweight Andrew Golota

"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
—Joe Theismann

"Now, Steele passed this intelligence on to officials, it leaked, and now Christopher Steele is on the run. According to the Daily Mail, he was seen fleeing his home yesterday and asked a neighbour to take care of his cat.

"Oh, you gotta protect the cat because Trump is known for grabbing the pussy."
Stephen Colbert

"If I had known the world was ending, I would have brought better books."
—Jeffrey DeMunn, 'Dale Horvath,' "The Walking Dead"

"After spending a couple of weeks in a hospital with psychiatrists' and psychologists' input, Kanye West will debut his new 'music genre' in the coming year...'Shrink Rap.'"

"I'm a slow typer...because I use two fingers, and they're not mine."
—Stephen Colbert

"Lately, I've been thinking we should get a written guarantee that our country will last forever before we buy 'Forever' stamps."
—Stephen Colbert

"My wallet is like an onion. Whenever I open it, it makes me cry!"

"Most of us Hillary voters still have a soft spot for this crazy mixed-up country of ours.

"It's where we first learned to ride a bike and first ran after the ice cream truck. It's where we served as an altar boy in our church and later sued the church for what happened when we were altar boys."
Bill Maher

"Next year at this time, someone else will be standing here in this very spot, and it's anyone's guess who she will be."
—Barrak Nobama

"I have more kids at a birthday party in my backyard than that. Come on, that's ridiculous."
Laura Ingram

"Roses are red
Violets are blue
Your candidate sucks
And mine does, too."

"You know what? I'm going to tell you something.

"You just watched two people get their skulls bashed, if you have a problem with the 'f' word...Fuck you."
—Chris Hardwick

"Look, you can be anti-Trump and not pro-Hillary. Just because I hate diarrhea doesn't mean I love constipation."
—Alingon Mitra

"He doesn't know the meaning of the word 'fear.' In fact, I just saw his grades, and he doesn't know the meaning of a lot of words."
—Ohio State's Urban Meyer (regarding one of his players)

"My dad is from Iceland, and my mom is from Cuba. I guess I'm an ice cube."

"The only reason I'm fat is because a tiny body couldn't store all this personality."

"I'm 40, but I feel like I'm 20...Until I hang out with some 20 year-olds. Then I'm like, 'No, never mind. I'm 40.'"

"Facial recognition software can pick a person out of a crowd, but the vending machine at work can't recognize a dollar bill with a bent corner."

"Take the Richard Allen Chain of schools in Ohio, whose president is one of Jeannette Harris. They were overseen by Kids Count, a non-profit, founded by Jeanette Harris, which oversaw the schools as they spent a million tax dollars on management and consulting firms founded by, wait for it, Jeanette 'Fucking' Harris.

"Now Harris denies a conflict of interest because she claims she wasn't directly involved in decision making, and maybe, maybe the schools just chose Kids Count because it had a proven track record of great oversight. So, let's just check in on one of the other schools they oversaw..."

"A local charter school padded it's attendance records resulting in more than a million dollars in extra money."

"State auditors interviewed students and staff. Their findings showed that on any given day, there would only be about 30 students in the building. A fraction of the reported 459 enrolled there."

"Oh, it gets worse because when an auditor looked into it, they found Kids Count had done the legal minimum oversight required, which I would argue suggests a problem with the legal minimum. Because 30 showed up, and the school claims they had 450, which doesn't speak well of an oversight group calling itself 'Kids Count!'"
John Oliver

"I declare that anyone who says, 'It is what it is,' shall be hit with 'it' and not be told what 'it' was."
—Stephen Colbert

"Her opinions of her opponent's foreign policy are about as valid as a child molester's opinions about babysitting."

"I tell ya, if he needs help deleting computer records, she knows a guy."
—Stephen Colbert

"@HillaryClinton: If anyone knows how to use a delete key, it's you."
—Reince Priebus (@Reince)

"Have you ever just looked at someone and knew the wheel was turning, but the hamster was dead?"
—LOL Zombie

"I have never seen a tombstone that said, 'Died because I didn't forward a message to ten people.'"

"I've met some pricks in my time, but you, Sir, are a fucking cactus."

"My boss told me to have a good, I went home."

"...I mean it doesn't get any better than that, Gordon. That's what makes this team so lethal; look at that shot.

"Gord, I say this with respect; if I gave you ten pucks from there, you wouldn't hit that shot once."
—Brian Engblom

"My friend thinks he's smart. He said onions are the only food that make you cry. So, I threw a coconut at his face."

"When I die, I want my last words to be, 'I left a million dollars under the...'"

"Some interesting news was just revealed about TSA technology; at some checkpoints, passengers are selected for screening by one of the TSA folks tapping an iPad like this, which randomly generates an arrow that tells passengers to go in the left lane or the right lane.

"Okay, left or right. Well, it was revealed yesterday that this app cost $1.4-million dollars. Yes, and naturally people are upset about that.

"So, right now I want to help by offering the TSA an exclusive contract with me to supply a much cheaper, advanced, random binary choice generator; the 'Flip-o-matic 5400.' I have one with me right now.

"Okay. TSA, the Flip-o-matic could be yours for the low-low price of just 1.3-million dollars. And remember, the Flip-o-matic comes pre-programmed having two sides, only one of which can be up at a time. This technology is already in use by the NFL. They're highly portable, durable, and there are 50 different designs, one for each state the TSA operates in. And it's not just for random number generation; they are dual use. In addition to randomly computing left or right, you can also use them to scratch off lotto tickets, which you might need given how much money you've blown on that app."
—Stephen Colbert

"But now he's been turned on the terrorists; the Belgians—famous for their fries—have also turned a Burger King ad to a defiant french fry finger. As Belgians wield their wit, world leaders promise unity."

"We need to stand in soliditary with them..."

"We need to stand together..."

"Meanwhile the kid stands alone—only 24-inches tall—but with a message that doesn't miss."
Jeanne Moos

"They say a balanced meal is a beer in both hands."
—Daryl "Razor" Reaugh

"But last night the name on everyone's lips was Bernie Sanders, unless you're Chris Hayes."

"You see that play out in different ways, in Trump's, particularly closing message, railing against pharmaceutical companies and the like, and Bernie Sandwiches..."

"That's right. That's right, Bernie Sandwiches. A name everyone can get behind, because he's not a member of the old boy's club, he fights the rich guys on behalf of the poboy, someone with a trusting open face, and will surely win Florida by appealing to Cubans, and err, this is a french dip, ah, he is au jus-ish candidate, plus he has a long history of supporting the LG-BLT community, sure, the democratic establishment may have a beef with him now, because he has been ruben them the wrong way, and I know it may sound hoagie, and he doesn't have it all wrapped up yet, but in times like this, his supporters believe we need a gyro."
—Stephen Colbert

"Yes, a coin toss in six precincts; the democrats picked the winner last night the same way roommates decide the who has to drive to Taco Bell.

"...And Hillary won all six of the coin tosses. With of that kind of coin-flipping prowess, forget the Democrats. The Broncos should draft Hillary for the Super Bowl on Sunday.

"...I tell you what I think happened here. Bernie's trash-talking of money and politics so much that now the coins have turned against him."
—Stephen Colbert

"Why would you not [run for president]?"

"I just don't think I really have the inclination to do it; I love what I am doing, I really like it."

"Oh, so it doesn't pay as well?"
Oprah Winfrey [interviewing Donald Trump]

"The ISIS Faithful are realizing why they Hate Hogs......Warthogs that is!!!"

"I can't profess to understand God's plan. Christ promised a resurrection of the dead, I just thought he had something a little different in mind."
—Scott Wilson, 'Hershel Greene,' "The Walking Dead"

"Seriously, if Jeb Bush is Mexican, then I am Afro-Asian, okay? I don't understand how that works.

"Yeah, he was like, 'There was no box for 'Super White.'"
—Conan O'Brian

"The deal that we have out there in my view, from what I know of it thus far, is unacceptable. If in fact that it is as bad a deal as I think it is at this moment, we will do everything we can to stop it."

"Wait, 'as bad as you think it is,' that is a clear sign that you didn't do the reading. It's like starting a book report, 'Some of us are of mice while others of course of men. There have been many good Gatsbys in history, but only one I would call The Great Gatsby.'

"And the thing is, how can you not read this deal before commenting; it's only 159-pages long, and much of that is lists and preamble. The actual meat of the agreement is about 90 pages, making it about half the length of 'The Baby Sitters Club, Number One; Kristy's Great Idea.' And look, I'm not saying the deal is perfect, I'm just saying think of the nuclear agreement with Iran as a calzone; it could contain a lot of things from cheese and marinara sauce to a dead mouse. But the point is that you don't get to complain about what might be inside unless you have fucking looked."
—John Oliver

"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing."
—Emo Philips

"4:54 p.m. begin autopsy on one white male, age 60, who is arguably having a worse time in Texas than I am...although not by much."
—Gillian Anderson, 'Dana Scully,' "The X-Files"

"Obama said raising the debt limit does not increase debt — you know, like raising the speed limit does not increase speed."
—Jay Leno

"Ron Reagan, lifelong atheist, not afraid of burning in hell."
Ron Reagan

"What's the use of being god if every run-down schmuck with a two-dollar prayer book can come along and fuck up your plan?"
—George Carlin

"If at first you don't succeed...So much for skydiving."
—Henry Youngman

"The last time Hillary had a meaningful job, she outsourced it to Monica Lewinsky...

"And Monica blew it."

"Sweat is fat crying."

"When your vocation is your vacation, you've got a good thing going!"
—Russ Regan

"Any ass can fart an opinion."

"When I die, I want to die like my grandmother, who died peacefully in her sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in her car."

"Heaven won't take me, and hell's afraid I'll take over."

"Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling me, 'You're next.' They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals."

"I was standing in the park wondering why frisbees got bigger as they get closer. Then it hit me."

"Don't believe everything you see on the Internet."
—Abraham Lincoln

"Success is having to worry about every damn thing in the world, except money."
—Johnny Cash

"Corporations are people, but they are sociopaths."
—John Stewart

"I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose."
—George Carlin

"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live."
—George Carlin

"There's a lot of things blamed on me that never happened. But then, there's a lot of things that I did that I never got caught at."
—Johnny Cash

"So, the hashtag ThanksMichelleObama is for teenagers with $400 smartphones complaining about their free school lunches?"
—Tony Fly

"Being on top does not necessarily make you better. Turds can float to the top, too."

"I don't use drugs, my dreams are frightening enough."
—M.C. Escher

"Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys."
—P. J. O'Rourke

"If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is 'God is crying.' And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is 'Probably because of something you did.'"
—Jack Handy

"Too bad you can't buy a voodoo globe so that you could make the earth spin real fast and freak everybody out."
—Jack Handy

"Folks, George P. is not alone. 'I'm not qualified to debate the science over climate change.' 'I'm not a scientist.' 'I'm not a scientist.' 'What I have said repeatedly is I'm not a scientist.'

"Yes, everyone who denies man-made climate change has the same stirring message—'we don't know what the fuck we're talking about.'"
—Stephen Colbert

"White people, you have to understand: We all in this together. As black people, we didn't know what the fuck was gonna appen. All we knew was it was time for some shit to happen; that's all we knew. You have to forgive us in the fact that we voted for a #igga to be a superhero and forgot to ask the #igga, 'could he fly?'"
—Katt Williams

"Why can't you hear a psychoanalyst use the bathroom? Because the 'p' is silent, and also, the voices in my head won't shut up."
—Stephen Colbert

"I mean, Obama said he wouldn't put boots on the ground, alright. But that was a total croc, okay, because now he's flip-flopping, alright, which makes the American people say, 'Ugg!' and 'fuck me.' I've always said that Obama is a loafer, but with his constant golfing, now he just looks like some kind of clown. Because he knows boots on the ground are a slipper-y slope. And the last thing he needs is another wedge issue. He needs to stop converse-ing with our allies, and just do it, cowboy! Otherwise, the country is going to be taking it in the bootie."
—Stephen Colbert

"Calling Obama a warrior for the middle class is like calling Lindsay Lohan a spokeswoman for sobriety."

"We're cutting programs left 'n right, talking about cutting pay, and we want to invest in an iron man suit for which the technology isn't ready to make work.

"We need to rethink this legalized weed thing because our military planners appear to be smoking it."

"If the federal government can't safely manage highly contagious viruses with hundreds-of-billions of dollars, imagine how well they'll manage your family's healthcare."

"Speaking of drugs, Courtney Love tweeted that she found the missing Malaysian plane. But how did she get the image to crack the case? I guess she was so high, she was able to get an aerial view of Earth."

"There is a 100% chance you're going to die no matter what planet you're on."

"'Taking one's life willingly is against Islamic principles.'

Somebody didn't get the memo."

"I wish my evaluation form had a line item for 'tolerating psycho'—in which case I have exceeded expectations."

"I joined the Mars One advisory board because I plan to retire on Mars... but not too soon! I want to help send some healthy settlers on ahead to get the place ready for me."
—Esther Dyson (USA), angel investor and chairman of EDventure Holdings

"That's right, the NSA is spying on Second Life; a game for people who don't have a first one."
—Stephen Colbert

"But America is defined by it's resilience; no matter what mistakes we make, we pick ourselves up, we dust ourselves off and come together with the courage to deny that we ever made a mistake."
—Stephen Colbert

"Strike one was Davis's mentioning of planned parenthood, which Republicans said was off topic. Strike two came when a colleague offered Davis a back brace. ... And the final strike came when Davis mentioned the state's 2011 sonogram law—again, off topic."

"Wait, what?? This is a debate about abortion restrictions. How are planned parenthood and forced sonograms off topic? That's like saying, 'Talk to me about White Castle, but don't mention diarrhea. Don't you do that. Those are two different things.'

"That joke landed hard with people here."
—John Oliver

"Forty years ago, the government put a man on the moon. Now, they can't even build a Web site."

"I'm all in favor of raising standards. If we can help even one kid do better in school, we will help all the kids who copy off that kid."
—Stephen Colbert

"'Killing Jesus,' now it's on bookshelves; are you sure it wasn't just bought by hotels to stick next to bibles?"
—John Stewart

"I mean the ultimate goal is, complete self-sufficiency, but without a lot of money, you know, the best you can hope to do is to offset your carbon footprint. You know, I care about my carbon footprint, but most people out there are making carbon snow angels!

"You know Earth Day was last week?"

"I haven't been..."

"Hilarious. Earth gets one day. All right, the other 364, we're cranking the a/c in our Hummer, and then, one day a year, 'Ooh, we'll separate the plastic.' You know what I think? I think that once we die out a couple hundred years, Earth is going to have a 'People Day.' You know, to remember us. One day a year, she is going to laugh and laugh and shake our bones.

"Recycled urine?"
—Steven Kepler, "Dollhouse"

"The truth is people now try to cram their politics into everything...we saw it just recently," 'With all the attention that's been lavished this week on the royal baby, this seems like this a good moment to take a look at the issue of infant mortality here in the United States.'

"Does it? Does it seem like a good opportunity? Because I don't know, it actually seems like an even better opportunity to NOT bring that up. But look, that's just one guy, I'm sure everyone else was respectful on a universally happy occasion."

'Even though we do not cast babies as future figure heads in this country the fact is that the accident of where and to whom we are born determines a tremendous amount of our life outcomes.' 'We don't know who is going to break the baby the news if it becomes an American citizen, which could happen what Obamacare is going to mean to him.'

"It's a baby! It's a baby! You shouldn't have talking points about a person before that person can talk."
—John Oliver

"I want to know where to get a palm tree like that one. How to offend your neighbors in 3, 2, 1..."
—Len Winduptoy Nelson

"So, thanks to a bespectacled whistleblower, we now know the government has been actively collecting an unprecedented amount of information on that small, select group of us who even make phone calls or use the Internet. I've gotta say, I bet the Amish are feeling pretty fucking smug right now...or they would be feeling that way if they had any idea that this story was happening."
—John Oliver

"Physicists are getting closer to finding the so-called 'God-particle,' the elusive Higgs Boson whose existence is clearly theoretical. I read it in today's New York Times, whose continued existence is also purely theoretical."
—Stephen Colbert

"A man arrested for shooting at the White House says he was upset over U.S. marijuana laws. Man, if only there was some way to mellow that guy out."
—Stephen Colbert

"Know what? I'm beginning to realize that autoerotic asphyxiation isn't really the right metaphor for the sequester. Because Congress did rig it up, and if they had pulled off the compromise, I guess it would've felt amazing for them. But as usual, they did it wrong, and yet somehow we're the ones blacking out while they're all still jerking off."
—John Stewart

"Why would you word-war with a legendary word warrior like Woodward?"
—John Stewart

"Eriksson [Loui] gave it away; there is Brassard in the corner...out to the line for Erixon, Tim Erixon...E-r-i-x-o-n. Back of the net, it's Oleksiak...I'm not gonna spell it."
—Ralph Strangis

"We will survive the day."
—Neil deGrasse Tyson

"Before you accuse Romney of not caring about the unemployed, keep in mind he's been trying to get a new job for a YEAR."
—Matt Roller

"Folks, I believe this is a great, fiscally responsible answer, but we can do more. I mean we might be cutting arts programs, but one tab of acid, and your kid will be seeing colours you can't find in a Crayola box!"
—Stephen Colbert

"Folks, we must require voter ID before anyone can buy a cup of Joe. I am sure 7-11 will be just as rigorous about checking ID for cups as they are for beer and cigarettes."
—Stephen Colbert

"Hey, Microsoft, the '90s called and wants their ideas back."
—Mike La Rose

"The galaxies won't be annihilated. They will merge. The distance between individual stars is huge—bigger than Donald Trump's ego—so the vast majority of individual solar systems and planets will continue on their merry way unchanged by this cosmic event."

"This weekend, Karl Pilkington, right, he was doing some building work because he was selling his house, okay. And he needed to get with an emergency builder, and he was going, 'I can't find a carpenter, I can't find a carpenter, none of them will come out.' I went, 'Karl, it's Good Friday.' And he went, 'How did Jesus ever get fucking crucified?'"
—Ricky Gervais

"Yes, Michigan is proud of their tree height. I mean look at that maple; totally nailed it height-wise. Short enough to put a treehouse in, yet tall enough to hang yourself when you lose your state's primary."
—Stephen Colbert

"M.I.A. didn't flip us all off. She just had a middle finger malfunction."
—Josh Jackson

"Who were the beta testers for Preparations A through G?"

"As a friend of mine in Texas says, he will believe that corporations are people when Texas executes one."
—Bill Moyers

"At a time when America is trillions of dollars in debt it is totally irresponsible to be wasting taxpayer money looking for evidence of life elsewhere. We can't even find life in the US Congress, let alone intelligent life!!"

"And some have criticized pepper spraying a pregnant woman, but don't forget the cops were spraying for two. And I don't see why they didn't cuff that tiny protester occupying her womb. Just another lazy-do-nothing mooching off of the system. Free room, free board and free Mozart for the next nine months. Get a job! I say you got time to gestate, you got time to collate."
—Stephen Colbert

"I was a farm kid. All the practice that I had shoveling manure helped me prepare for my current position."
—"Rob" Jordan

"Single-planet species don't last. Ask a dinosaur."
—Dr. Kevin Grazie

"According to the Web site of the Powerball lottery, a player's odds of winning the big kahuna are one in 195,249,054. By contrast, the odds of dying from an meteorite striking the earth is one in 700,000. In other words, you're more likely to be killed by a meteor than you are to hit the power-mega-whatever jackpot."
—Martha C. White

"They should've used code name 'Waldo.'"

"It defies logic for a shuttle to go to New York City, a place with no connection to NASA. It's like putting the Statue of Liberty in Omaha."
—Rep. Ted Poe, R-Texas

"I was watching Al Gore on CNN. He was talking and talking and talking, and then...out of boredom my pet polar bear shot himself."
—Bo Burnham

"Oh, and by the way, poetic talent is really easy to fake when thy sentences doth no fucking sense make."
—Bo Burnham

"Saying guns are the problem is like saying spoons are what make people fat."
—Louis Goldberg

"Loui Eriksson who also sleeps on a Hästen's bed, I do as well; we thank Hästens for providing this second intermission interview. By the way, we don't sleep on those beds together."
—Ralph Strangis

"My opinion is a view I hold until...well, until I find something that changes it."
—Luigi Pirandello

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
—Albert Einstein

"No kid likes being told they can't do something. Just try telling Joran van der Sloot he can't make women disappear anymore; it's not gonna happen."

"The Times' Standards Editor, Phil Corbett, has stated that, 'Tweet may fade into oblivion.' Well, that's not very nice. Twitter hasn't banned the word 'newspaper,' and those have already faded into oblivion."
—Stephen Colbert

"I'm terrified this is what young people are going to think adults are supposed to be like. It makes me feel like I actually am a good influence on kids."
—Sarah Silverman

"Tonight, in conjunction with the Baton Rouge Area Foundation, I am proud to announce that we will use that hundred-grand to set up the Colbert Nation Gulf of America Fund. I don't think we can call it the Gulf of Mexico anymore...we broke it; we bought it."
—Stephen Colbert

"Sports psychology has a long history, folks. In 1938, Coleman Griffith became the first psychologist hired by a professional sports team when he went to work for the Chicago Cubs who hadn't won a World Series in thirty years. Through weeks of careful observation and behavioural modifications, Griffith was able to turn that number into one-hundred-and-two."
—Stephen Colbert

"If you're over the age of 18 and you twitter you A) still live at home and have no motivation to move anytime soon B) are a pedophile looking for some young booty C) have severe social anxiety disorder D) are retarded."

"I got a text from my girlfriend from the year 2016. Apparently in the future I still haven't cleaned out the hallway closet."

"Get hit by a hundred-mile-an-hour slap shot there and not even wince...get tapped by a stick and go down like somebody just cut your belly open."
—Ralph Strangis

"I am at a place where I am wandering across these empty hills devoid of trails. I've seen nothing that looks like a Mayan monument. I feel like I'm...I'm Sancho Panza trailing behind this wide-eyed archaeologist Donkey Xote who is chasing his impossible dream, and I don't know if we are going to find a windmill or a Mayan monument."
—Jeff Salz, Apocalypse Island

"The only thing that's impossible is trying to dribble a football."
—Ralph Strangis

"When one of the pilots tried to use the bathroom before a bomb-sniffing dog had finished checking all the carry-on bags, an officer ordered him to sit down, according to passenger Alain Ghonda, who thought it odd. 'He was the pilot. If he wanted to do anything, he could've crashed the plane.' It was a metaphor for the rest of the country: Thank you for saving the day."
—Amanda Ripley

"Sure, God made man before woman, but you always make a rough draft before your final masterpiece."

"A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D. or Ph.D. Unfortunately they don't have a J.O.B."
—"Fats" Domino

"The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us."

"A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing."
—Joey Adams

"I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts."
—Will Rogers

"'Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?' I'm halfway through my fishburger and I realize, 'Oh my God...I could be eating a slow learner.'"
—Lynda Montgomery

"Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window."
—Steve Bluestone

"Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac."
—George Carlin

"You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today, and we don't know where the hell she is."
—Ellen DeGeneres

"I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain."
—Carol Leifer

"The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise."
—Roger Simon

"I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets."
—Dave Edison

"Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place."
—Johnny Carson

"It's not hard to tell we was poor when you saw the toilet paper dryin' on the clothesline."
—George Lindsey

"I voted for the Democrats because I didn't like the way the Republicans were running the country. Which is turning out to be like shooting yourself in the head to stop your headache."
—Jack Mayberry

"I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three."
—Elayne Boosler

"Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?"
—John Mendoza

"I had a linguistics professor who said that it's man's ability to use language that makes him the dominant species on the planet. That may be. But I think there's one other thing that separates us from animals. We aren't afraid of vacuum cleaners."
—Jeff Stilson

"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you."
—Rita Mae Brown

"I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her."
—Ellen DeGeneres

"A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. 'You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you, too.'"
—Jake Johansen

"I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific."
—Lily Tomlin

"The number of people staring in shocked disbelief at you is always directly proportionate to the stupidity of your act."
—Daryl "Razor" Reaugh

"Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you."
—Carl Gustav Jung

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
—Oscar Wilde

"We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees."
—Jason Kidd

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."
—Thomas Alva Edison

"Grove giveth and Gates taketh away."
—Bob Metcalfe

"I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon."
—Bill Hirst

"The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people."
—Lucille S. Harper

"I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it."
—Steven Wright

"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak up and remove all doubt."

"If you think you're too small to make a difference, you haven't been in bed with a mosquito."
—Anita Roddick

"Anyone can make a mistake. A fool insists on repeating it."
—Robertine Maynard

"True that the thinker thinks, and the prover proves; however, the prover must think about what he is going to prove beforehand. If not, then we would have a bunch of 'Al Gores' proving who knows what."

"Trying to determine what is going on in the world by reading newspapers is like trying to tell the time by watching the second hand of a clock."
—Ben Hecht

"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits."
—Albert Einstein

"If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door."
—Paul Beatty

"The best cure for insomnia is a Monday morning."
—Sandy Cooley

"For fast-acting relief, try slowing down."
—Lily Thompson

"Chess is the most elaborate waste of human intelligence outside of an advertising agency."
—Raymond Chandler

"First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me."
—Steve Martin

"I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?"
—Paul Merton

"Whoever said money can't buy happiness simply didn't know where to go shopping."
—Bo Derek

"I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it."
—George Burns

"I created the Internet."
—Al Gore

"I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me."
—Woody Allen

"What's another word for thesaurus?"
—Steven Wright

"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception."
—Groucho Marx

"Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."
—Terry Pratchett

"If you're going to do something tonight that you will be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late."
—Henry Youngman

"Everything that can be invented has been invented."
—Charles Duell

"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home."
—Ken Olson

"I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants."
—A. Whitney Brown

"'Always' and 'never' are two words you should always remember never to use."
—Wendell Johnson

"Downtown there are only two types of pedestrians...the quick and the dead."

"Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons because, to them, you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup."

"Some things are better left unsaid, which I generally realize right after I have said them."


"Standing alone does'nt mean I am alone. It means I am strong enough to handle things all by myself."

"Silence is a source of great strength."
—Lao Tzu

"Even when you have doubts, take a step. Take chances. Mistakes are never a failure—they can be turned into wisdom."
—Cat Cora

"Sometimes you need to burn bridges to stop yourself from crossing them again."

"We are all a little broken. But last time I checked, broken crayons still colour the same."
—Trent Shelton

"To live it to risk it all. Otherwise, you are just an inert chunk of randomly assembled molecules drifting wherever the universe blows you."
—Rick and Morty

"Our flag does not fly because the wind moves it. No, it flies with the last breath of each soldier who died protecting it."

"It's easy to believe that you won't have an impact, that your kindness is to small. But you may touch a person who is silently suffering and have the most profound impact on them. So, don't hold back. For someone feeling desperate and needing a little hope, YOU could be their light."
—Lisa Currie

"You are a work of art. Not everyone will understand you, but the ones who do, will never forget about you."

"To finally move on and start something new, you must release the unchangeable past and embrace your future."

T - ogether
E - veryone
A - chieves
M - ore


O - NE


"Don't work 8 hours for someone else and then go home and not work on your goals.

"You are not tired, you are uninspired."

"You can't solve problems that have gone unsolved by doing it the same way that people before you have tried and failed."
—Jared Kushner

"Per aspera ad astra"
—Voyager Golden Record (Latin phrase)

"Our galaxy has a hundred-billion stars; and in our galaxy there are upwards to a hundred-million galaxies.

"So, the chance that life is out there somewhere in my mind is 100%."

"My story is filled with broken pieces, terrible choices and ugly truths.

"It's also filled with a major comeback, peace in my soul and a grace that saved my life."
—S Gautam

"The naked truth is always better than the best-dressed lie."

"The challenge is to be yourself in a world that is trying to make you like everyone else."

"When life changes to be harder, change yourself to be stronger."

"Every second is a chance to turn your life around."

"Everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence... ...and I learn, whatever state I am in, therein to be content."
—Helen Keller

"There's a difference between giving up and knowing when you've had enough."

"There will be days I don't know if I can do a marathon. However, there will be a lifetime knowing that I have."

"You are the artist of your own life. Don't hand the paintbrush to anyone else."
—Susan Olson

"Today, be the badass girl you were too lazy to be yesterday."
—Lauren Giesberg


"Things may be appearing more difficult than they actually are. Let go of your control, and be in flow with the rhythm of life. You're not stuck; there's a solution to be found. You've overcome so much already. This is just another obstacle you will overcome."
—Ash Alves

"Do not give your past the power to define your future."

"Be yourself beceause an original is worth more than a copy."

"Become so confident in who you are that no one's opinion, rejection or behaviour can rock you."

"You just have to walk into the room and be fearless. Never let people think for a minute that you couldn't totally take them down."
—Stevie Nicks

"If you see someone without a smile, give them one of yours."
—Dolly Parton

"Note to self:

"You can't control how other people receive your energy. Anything you do or say gets filtered through the lens of whatever personal shit they are going through at the moment. Which is not about you. Just keep doing your thing with as much integrity and love as possible."

"So far, you've survived 100% of your worst days.

"This, too, shall pass."

"It's not whether you get knocked down; it's whether you get back up."
—Vince Lombardi

"Don't let yesterday take up too much of today."
—Will Rogers

"Other people's opinion of you do not have to become your reality."
—Les Brown

"If you're not willing to risk the usual, you will have to settle for the ordinary."
—Jim Rohn

"One day, she will rise above her own myths that caged her from being her own self."

"Never test the depth of water with both feet."

"A successful person is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at her."

"You can't fail if you never try."

"Sometimes, those who don't socialize much aren't actually antisocial; they just have no tolerance for drama, stupidity and fake people."

"A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him."
—David Brinkley

"Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do."
—John Wooden

"The happiest people don't have the best of everything, they make the best of everything."
—Tony Robbins

"Worrying is a waste of time. It doesn't change anything; it just messes with your mind and steals your happiness."

"Don't let the insecurities of other people dull your sparkle. Shine like the star you were born to be."
—Karen Civil

"Don't give up on your dreams. Keep sleeping."

"I am not special, I'm just a limited edition."

"Move at your own speed...

"A snail's pace in the right direction is better than going nowhere fast."
—Jane Lee Logan

"Sometimes our life turns gray, so it can be repainted in new and more beautiful colours!"
—Jane Lee Logan

"Wisdom is learning to let go when you want to hang on.

"Courage is learning to hang on when you want to let go."

"The darkest nights produce the brightest stars."
—John Green

"Respect my existence or expect my resistance."

"You might feel worthless to one person, but you are priceless to another. Don't forget your value."

"As kind as my friends on Twitter were, if they hadn't actually made their arguments, it would have been so much harder for me to see the world in a different way.

"We are all a product of our upbringing and our beliefs reflect our experiences. We can't expect others to spontaneously change their own minds; if we want change, we have to make the case for it.

"My friends on Twitter didn't abandon their beliefs or their principles; only their scorn. They channeled their infinitely-justifiable offense and came to me with pointed questions tempered with kindness and humour. They approached me as a human being, and that was more transformative than two full decades of outrage, disdain and violence.

"I know that someone might not have the time or the energy or the patience for extensive engagement, but as difficult as it can be, reaching out to someone we disagree with is an option available to all of us. And I sincerely believe that we can do hard things not just for them but for us and our future. Escalating disgust and intractable conflict are not what we want for ourselves or our country or our next generation."
Megan Phelp-Roper

"I may not be perfect, but at least I'm not you."

"I want you to know that I am committed to finding a deal that will secure our border and reopen the government. Until Congress reaches an agreement, I have requested my pay be withheld until the government is fully operational."
—Kay Granger,
Member of Congress

"We can't change what's done, but we can change tomorrow."
—Jim Montgomery

"Sometimes you have to let the cracks happen to let the light in."
—Melissa McBride, 'Carol Peletier' "The Walking Dead"

"Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are."
—Kurt Cobain

"The pessimist complains about the wind."

"The optimist expects it to change."

"The realist adjusts the sail."
—William A. Ward

"Culture is the sum of all the forms of art, of love and thought, which in the course of centuries, have enabled man to be less enslaved."
—Andre Malraux

"We sleep soundly in our beds because rough men stand ready in the night to visit violence on those who would do us harm."
—Winston Churchill

"When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the plane takes off against the wind, not with it."
—Henry Ford

"Only those who care about you can hear you when you are quiet."

"I fell in love with my country when I was a prisoner in someone else's."
—John McCain

"Without rain, nothing grows. Learn to embrace the storms in your life."

"One day you will wake up and there won't be any more time to do the things you've always wanted to do. Do it now."
—Paulo Coelho

"I often think that the night is more alive and more richly-coloured than the day."
—Vincent Van Gogh

"Try and fail, but don't fail to try."
—John Quincy Adams

"You have to be odd to be number one."
—Dr. Suess

"You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore."
—André Gide

"Your future is created by what you do today not tomorrrow."
—Robert Kiyosaki

"Throw me to the wolves, and I'll come back leading the pack."

"SUCCESS is not final. FAILURE is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts."
—Winston Churchill

"I prefer dangerous freedom over peaceful slavery."
—Thomas Jefferson

"Saving one baby is good. Saving two million is hard to get your head around, but if they claim that's what it is, I'm glad to have done it."
—James Harrison

"My philosophy is: It's none of my business what people say of me and think of me. I am what I am, and I do what I want to do. I expect nothing and accept everything. And it makes life so much easier."
—Anthony Hopkins

"The one who falls and gets up is so much stronger than the one who never fell."

"You can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are at now and change the ending."
—C. S. Lewis

"Do not tame the wolf inside you just because you've met someone who doesn't have the courage to handle you."
—Belle Estreller

"Vision is the art of seeing what is invisible to others."
—Jonathan Swift

"Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations."
—Zig Ziglar

"A wise man never knows all, only fools know everything."
—African Proverb

"A dream doesn't become reality through magic; it takes sweat, determination and hard work."
—Colin Powell

"My scars tell a story. They are a reminder of times when life tried to break me but failed.

"They are markings of where the structure of my character was melded."

"Be the type of energy that no matter where you go, you always add value to the places and lives around you."

"When you think you're not happy with your life, always think that someone is happy simply because you exist."

"Your best teacher is your last mistake."

"I do it because I can, I can because I want to, I want to because you said I couldn't"

"Empty pockets teach you a million things in life, but full pockets spoil you in a million ways."

"It's better to cross the line and suffer the consequences than to just stare at that line for the rest of your life."

"The more you know, the more you know you don't know."

"I once cried because I had no shoes to play football with my friends, but one day I saw a man with no feet, and I realised how rich I am."
—Zinedane Zidane

"The pain you feel today will be the strength you feel tomorrow."
—Ritu Ghatourey

"A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to perserve and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles."
—Christopher Reeve

"Love is nothing without action. Trust is nothing without proof, and Sorry is nothing without change."

"A wolf will chew off it's own leg just to escape, which makes perfect sense. If you're being held back, cornered, forced into a do whatever you can to change it to break free—to survive.

"But sometimes escape isn't our default. Sometimes we stay the course. We cope, we navigate. Because traps don't look the same to everybody, especially not from inside one.

"Sometimes what the rest of the world sees as having us pinned actually ends up pushing us forward, giving us purpose, control, someone to talk to.

"And once in a while, the very thing everyone thinks is holding us back is also what makes us feel at home."
—Connie Britton, 'Abby Clark,' "911"

"You don't have to be perfect to be amazing."
—Zig Ziglar

"The secret to living well and longer is: eat half; walk double; laugh triple; and love without measure."
—Tibetan Proverb

"Don't be afraid to fail.

"Be afraid to not try."

"Don't feel bad if someone rejects you. People usually reject expensive things because they can't afford them."

"Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off of your goal."
—Henry Ford

"Thank you.

"I do believe a rose just sprang out of that pile of shit."
—Jeffrey Dean Morgan, 'Negan,' "The Walking Dead"

"Be not afraid of going slowly, be afaid of standing still."
—Chinese Proverb

"A candle in the wind is as valiant as a star in the sky."
—Matshona Dhliwayo

"Fools take a knife and stab people in the back. The wise take a knife, cut the cord, and they set themselves free from the fools."

"Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength."
—Arnold Schwarzenegger

"The size of your problems is nothing compared with your ability to solve them. Don't overestimate your problems and underestimate yourself."

"Every setback is a setup for a comeback."
—Joel Osteen

"Until you cross the bridge of your insecurities, you can't begin to explore your possibilities."
—Tim Fargo

"Not all storms come to disrupt your life; some come to clear your path."

"You have never really lived until you have done something for someone who can never repay you."
—John Bunyan

"Don't compare your beginning to someone else's middle."
—Jon Acuff

"The only opinion that really effects me is my own opinion of myself because I determine the way I am, not anyone else."
—Jazz Jennings

"If you accept the pain, it cannot hurt you."
—Hugh Jackman

"The unreal is more powerful than the real, because nothing is as perfect as you can imagine it, because it's only intangible ideas, concepts, beliefs, fantasies that last.

"Stone crumbles, wood rots. People, well, they die. But things as fragile as a thought, a dream, a legend...they can go on and on."
—Chuck Palahniuk

"Courage is not the absence of fear, it is the ability to act in the presence of fear."
—Jackie Chan

"People will hate you, rate you, break you and shake you. How strong you stand is what makes you."

"The strongest people aren't always the people who win, but the people who don't give up when they lose."

"Pain is weakness leaving the body."
—United States Marine Corps

"It's okay if you fall down and lose that spark. Just make sure that when you get back up, you rise as the whole damn fire."
—Collette Werden

"Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself."
—George Bernard Shaw

"Try not to become a person of success, but rather try to become a person of value."
—Albert Einstein

"What you can become depends on what you can overcome."
—Anthony Douglas Williams, "Inside the Divine Pattern"

"Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait, watch and work. You don't give up."
—Anne Lamott

"An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of humanity."
—Martin Luther King, Jr.

"A frog decided to reach the top of a tree. All of the other frogs shouted, 'It's impossible, it's impossible...' Still, the frog reached the top.

"How? Because he is deaf ... and he thought everyone was encouraging him to reach the top.

"Be deaf to negative thoughts if your aim is to reach your goal."

"Some people think that to be strong is to never feel pain.

"However, the strongest people are the ones who have felt pain, understood it, accepted it and learned from it."
—Charlotte Dawson

"When people say they can't see anything good in you, hug them and say, 'Life is difficult for the blind.'"

"F.E.A.R. has two meanings:

"'Forget Everything And Run,' or 'Face Everything And Rise'"

"I don't have an attitude problem.

"I have a personality you can't handle."

"When it rains, look for Rainbows.

"When it's dark, look for Stars". Always see the good parts in everything."

"They say, 'Don't burn bridges you may have to cross later.'

"I say, 'I don't mind swimming if the bridge was fucked up to begin with.'"

"If you want to fly with the eagles, stop swimming with the ducks."
—Alycia Kaback

"Never be a prisoner of your past. It was just a lesson, not a life sentence."

"Standing alone is better than standing with people who don't value you."

"Falling down is an accident, staying down is your choice."
—Rosemary Nonny Knight

"As long as you feel pain, you're still alive.

"As long as you make mistakes, you're still human.

"As long as you keep trying, there's still hope."
—Susan Gale

"If you want something you never're going to have to do something you have never done."
—Thomas Jefferson

"Mistakes are proof that you are trying."
—Samantha Snyder

"Strength doesn't come from what you can do. It comes from overcoming the things you once thought you couldn't."
—Rikki Rogers

"A single thread of hope is still a very powerful thing."

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have."
—Bob Marley

"Be yourself because an original is worth more than a copy."
—Suzy Kassem

"Tenderness and kindness are not signs of weakness and despair, but they are manifestations of strength and resolution."
—Kahlil Gibran

"An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward. When life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means it's going to launch you into something great. So, just focus, and keep aiming."

"Three Cs in life:

"Choices; Chances; Changes.

"You must make a choice to take a chance, or your life will never change."

"The people experiencing the most pain tend to be the ones who are always trying to make others smile."

"One small crack does not mean that you are broken; it means that you were put to the test, and you didn't fall apart."
—Linda Poindexter

"97% of the people who quit to soon are employed by the 3% who never gave up."

"I don't care what people say about me. I know who I am, and I don't have to prove anything to anyone."
—Saira Rajput

"Sometimes life doesn't give you what you want not because you don't deserve it, but because you deserve more."

"The thing about being brave is it doesn't come with the absence of fear and hurt. Bravery is the ability to look fear and hurt in the face and say, 'Move aside, you are in the way.'"
—Melissa Tumino

"Those who fly solo have the strongest of wings."

"If you cannot find a good companion to walk with, walk alone, like an elephant roaming the jungle. It is better to be alone than to be with those who will hinder your progress."

"Life is like a piano. The white keys represent happiness, and the black shows sadness. But as you go through life's journey, remember that the black keys also make music."

"The best way to get things done is to simply begin."

"Those who don't understand your silence will never understand your words."

"A satisfied life is better than a successful life. That's because our success is measured by others, whereas our satisfaction is measured by our own soul, mind and heart."
—Samarth Ramdas

"Spend time with people who are good for your mental health."

"We are all a little broken inside, but last time I checked, broken crayons still colour the same."
—Trent Shelton

"Just because stars don't shine in the sky every single night doesn't mean that they don't exist.

"Just because darkness is all you see right now doesn't mean there isn't any light left inside you."

"Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it's having the courage to show up and be seen when you have no control over the outcome."
—Brené Brown

"A bad attitude is like a flat tire.

"You can't go anywhere until you change it."

"Sometimes you face difficulties not because you're doing something wrong, but because you're doing something right."
—Joel Osteen

"Silence doesn't always mean you have nothing to say. It may mean you realize that words aren't always necessary."
—Hart Ramsey

"One moment can change a day, one day can change a life, and one life can change the world."
—Gautama Buddha

"Don't be afraid of losing people. Be afraid of losing yourself by trying to please everyone around you."

"Soft nature of a person does not mean weakness. Remember, nothing is softer than water. But it's force can break the strongest of rocks."

"Someone will always be prettier. Someone will always be smarter. Someone will always be younger. But they will never be you."
—Kanye West

"Just smile, and let the real you shine through."
—Chelsea Jade

"Don't worry about those who talk behind your back; they're behind you for a reason."

"Everyone wants to be the sun to brighten up someone's life, but why not be the moon to shine on someone's darkest hour?"

"I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do."
—Edward Everett Hale

"You will have bad times, but they will always wake you up to the stuff you weren't paying attention to."
—Robin Williams

"You can be a good person with a kind heart and still say, 'No.'"
—Lori Deschene

"Practice like you've never won.

"Perform like you've never lost."

"He is the toughest person I know. ... Cancer may afflict him in many ways, but it will not make him surrender. Nothing ever has."
—Meghan McCain

"Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do."
—Steve Jobs

"I'm just the Model-T or the Wright Brothers' beginning of the technology. I'm showing it, it does work, and every week we're progressing farther and farther and farther and farther. My next step is I'm gonna be going, and we'll be getting sensory-surgery done to where I'm supposed to feel as good as your own natural limb. It's gonna be good, and we've just begun."
—Johnny Matheny

"The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up."
—Mark Twain

"In the face of this, we're choosing vigilance, calm and just a bit of humour. And any fear projected on us will be met with a very British response: Sarcasm."
Rossalyn Warren

"Dear Miss Grande,

"I am the father of three daughters—ages 13, 12 and 12. So, you have been a part of our family for years. On occasion, your songs may have stayed on the radio AFTER I have dropped the girls off at school. I will neither confirm nor deny that I have personally seen every episode of Sam & Kat.

"Since you are a part of our family and after reading a tweet you posted on the Twitter the other night; I'm afraid I need to set you straight girl. So listen up and receive some redneck love from a daddy of daughters.

"You don't have a dadgum thing to apologise for. If some jackass had gotten drunk and killed someone with his car next to your hotel in Manchester, would you feel responsible? If the night before your concert, a tornado had hit Manchester and tragically killed several people who were going to see your concert, would you feel the need to apologise? You see, you are no more responsible for the actions of an insane coward who committed an evil act in your proximity than you would be for a devastating natural disaster or acts or morons near your hotel. Your text was some stickin' thinkin' in that regard.

"Spend time with your God, your family and your friends who will give you space and support when you need it.

"When you and only when you are ready, on behalf of all the days of love your... um... whose daughters love your music SING AGAIN.

"Music is the international language of peace. Every time you open your mouth and share that incredible God-given gift to the world, you make this crappy world a little less crappy."
—Morgan, Alison & Kendall’s Daddy

"Do you realize there are only seven colours to the rainbow? Only seven. Look what Michelangelo did with those seven colours.

"There're only seven musical notes; look what Beethoven did with those seven notes.

"There are only ten numbers; look what Bernie Madoff did with those ten numbers."
—Lou Holtz

"It must have taken a great deal of determination to carry on in view of some of the early failures you've had?"

"Well, yes, you shouldn't give up; that's very simple. If something blows in your face, try again, try again, try again, and one day you end up on top."
—Wernher Von Braun

"It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are."
—C.C. Cummings

"'I cannot,' never accomplished anything. 'I will try,' has wrought wonders."
—J. Hawes

"If something is important enough, even if the odds are against you, you should still do it."
—Elon Musk

"The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph."
—Thomas Paine

"Just remember, you can't win the game if you don't even play it."
—Robin Sharma

"To hell with circumstances; I create opportunities."
—Bruce Lee

"If you're chasing your dream, you're not running fast enough; run faster."
—Sean Combs

"Don’t just do what makes you what makes you great."
—Charlie Day

"You need to ignore what everyone else is doing and achieving. Your life is about breaking your own limits and outgrowing yourself to live YOUR best life. You are not in competition with anyone else; plan to outdo your past, not other people."

"No such thing as spare time; no such thing as free time; no such thing as down time. All you got is life time. Go."
—Henry Rollins

"Please pay attention very carefuly, because this is the truest thing a stranger will ever say to you.

"In the face of such hopelessness as our eventual, unavoidable death, there is little sense in not at least TRYING to accomplish all your wildest dreams in life."
—Kevin Smith

"Don't downgrade your dream just to fit your reality. Upgrade your conviction to match your destiny."
—John Assaraf

"I do; I think about it a lot. As a kid, I really struggled to find where I fit-in in the world."

"I feel like that sometimes, too."

"For me, I just had to change my perspective, and now, whenever I think of the word, 'home,' I don't think of a place. I think of my family; of my mother; of my sister. It took me years to realize that home can change over time, but it isn't a destination nor a location. And once you find that place, 'home' is anywhere you make it."
—Jihae, 'Hana Seung,' "Mars," National Geographic Channel

"As I speak, millions will be boarding trains and airplanes to travel to London, and to see for themselves the greatest city on Earth. It is in these actions—millions of acts of normality—that we find the best response to terrorism—a response that denies our enemies their victory, that refuses to let them win, that shows we will never give in."
—Theresa May, United Kingdom Prime Minister

"In life, the things that go wrong are often the very things that lead other things going right."
—Arianna Huffington

"Why fit in when you were born to stand out?"
—Dr. Seuss

"Failue is success if we learn from it."
—Malcom Forbes

"If you cannot do great things, do small things in a great way."
—Napolean Hill

"Rock bottom became the solid foundation which I rebuilt my life."
—JK Rowling

"Never discourage someone who is continually making progress, no matter how slow."

"If you're going to screw up, do it BIG...people will think you're doing it on purpose."

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice that says, 'I will try again tomorrow.'"
—Mary Anne Radmacher

"In 200 years, people will look back on this particular period and will say to themselves, 'How did those people at that time just allow all of these amazing creatures to vanish?' But it would be very little use in me or in anybody else exerting all this energy to save the wild places if people are not being educated into being better stewards than we'd be.

"If we all lose hope, there is no hope. Without hope, people fall into apathy.

"There's still a lot left that's worth fighting for."
—Jane Goodall

"The struggle you are in today is developing the strength you need for tomorrow."

"There was a reverend in Japan. He had a statement which really struck me, and it was, 'Better to light one candle than curse the darkness.'

"There are so many people who sit back and say, 'We're screwed,' or, 'You know, why bother?' But you know what? That candle, that candle means something, because with that one candle, maybe someone else with a candle will find you. And I think that's where movements are started."

"There are those who look at things the way they are and ask, 'Why...' I dream of things that never were and ask, 'Why not?'"
—Robert F. Kennedy

"When we were your guys' age, we would do anything and practice a lot and listen to our coaches and our teachers of the game, so there's definitely a lot of people you can learn from when you're growing up, and you're following that dream. If you believe in that dream and what you can do, you can definitely accomplish it."
—Jamie Benn (Dallas Stars, Centerman)

"You know, Richard, I've never seen you smile. I think that's going to change today."
—Tom Payne, 'Jesus,' "The Walking Dead"

"Henson is [an example] of the fact that race or colour or upbringing or environment count nothing against a determined heart if it is backed and aided by intelligence."
—Admiral Robert Peary

"You have to climb the mountain before you can enjoy the view."

"Nothing in the world is ever completely wrong. Even a stopped clock is right twice a day."
—Paulo Coelho

"Pause and remember: if you empty yourself of yesterday's sorrows, you will have much more room for today's joy."
—Jenni Young

"For me it's not political. It's just accepting people for who they are."
—Jackie Evancho

"The devil whispered in my ear, 'You're not strong enough to withstand the storm.'

"Today, I whispered in the devil's ear, 'I am the storm.'"

"Don't be afraid of being outnumbered. Eagles fly alone; pigeons flock together."

"Dress like you own the bank, not like you need a loan from it."

"Life is not about the quantity of friends you have. It is about the quality of friends you have."

"In the end, people will judge you anyway, so don't live your life impressing others—live your life impressing yourself."

"Two people took many days and weeks to plan out hate, but love responded in an instant."
—Patrick Downes

"Happiness is a choice not a result. Nothing will make you happy until you choose to be happy. No person will make you happy unless you decide to be happy. Your happiness will not come to you; it can only come from you."
—Ralph Marston

"You're basically saying just because you have the right doesn't make doing it right. But what does it say about these protesters that they're deciding to burn the very symbol; I mean what does it say about citizenship—about how we view our own country when the form of protest is to burn the very thing that men like you and many others served to defend?"

"Well, like I said, it's kinda like it's very disrespectful, and if you burn that flag, then how are you going to ask for any benefits of this country? You still want to get social security when you're 60 or whatever; you still want to get free medical care, but you burn my flag? You don't deserve any of those things; you don't deserve nothing from this country if you don't love it because what you're doing is making us a laughing stock for other countries—Russia, North Korea, China, Al Qaeda—they don't have to come and attack us anymore because we're attacking each other, and we're making all Americans look like idiots."
Thaddeus Alexander

"It is never too late to be what you might have been."
—George Elliot

"The death of my husband shook me awake and made me realize I needed to make lots of changes.

"The 365 days of selfies was one of the first things I did, it started during my mourning period...

"...I looked so lost and broken."
Justine McCabe

"If I didn't think I could make a difference, I wouldn't be doing this."
—Donald Trump, president elect

"Peace cannot be kept by force; it can only be achieved by understanding."
—Albert Einstein

Tiananmen Standoff
(I know this is not a quote, but after seeing the shot again, I simply have to post it here to show the Unknown Protester's sheer determination as it speaks volumes.)

"The happiest people don't have the best of everything, they make the best of everything."
Sam Cawthorne

"Give yourself enough respect to walk away from anyone who doesn't see your worth."

"The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old but on building the new."

"You know what, they shouldn't be having those kinds of arguments. They should be working hard to get the work done, and then sit down and have a drink and laugh about it. 'We helped the American people.'"

"Being inspired, encouraged, brave, bold and active into the progress of your own future—and everyone’s future—depends on you. That's in your circle of influence and I won't be uninspired by this. I'm not going to say 'If I lose, the whole thing has been a waste of time.' That's stupid, in my opinion.

"I say, that no matter what—because we're all going to lose no matter what—it is the journey that counts and how we collaborate with each other to each other's mutual benefit that counts. In the course of this, I was so excited about a woman being president, I went and looked at that movie 'Norma Rae' again. It's about a woman who finds her power. You know the music that comes at the beginning and the end of that movie, I'm going to sing a little snippet of it: 'It goes and it goes how the river flows / And time it rolls right on / And maybe what's good gets a little bit better / And maybe what's bad gets gone.' I like that."
—Jeff Goldblum

"I am not a hero, I am only an ordinary Iraqi who wants to defeat his country from criminals and killers."
Ako Abdulrahman

"I like that everybody hates him. All the career politicans hate him. He's going to shake things up. I voted for Obama twice, and look where we're at. It's scary."
—Emma Shelter

"I would like to be a doctor when I grow up. With all my experiences and the doctors who helped me and saved my life, I can't think of a better way to repay them than helping other people and possibly saving another person's life."
—Kate Foster

"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as impossible situations."
—Charles R. Swindoll

"In order to be irreplaceable, one must always be different."
—Coco Chanel

"The present is theirs; the future, for which I have really worked, is mine."
—Nikola Tesla

"If you're ever having a bad day, just remember that in 1976 Ronald Wayne sold his 10% stake in Apple for $2,300. It's now worth $70,000,000,000."

"You've surived 100% of everything in your life so far, so thre's a pretty good chance that you'll survive whatever is next!"
—Timber Hawkeye

"The reality is that violence towards LGBT people is...this is a common thing. You know, hate crimes toward LGTB people—extremely anti-gay, anti-bi, anti-trans rhetoric is constantly creating a poisonous environment, which leads towards people hating themselves, it leads to people being violent towards one another, towards bullying and abuse, and it really needs to stop. People are really, really struggling, and they deserve to live freely and love freely and not be afraid."
—Ellen Page

"Supreme excellence consists in breaking the enemy's resistance without fighting."
—Sun Tzu

"It's like the one friend, I guess, that he has in the world. I mean, I heard a phrase once, somebody was talking about their wife. This was a person who was very inept socially, not the wife but the man. There were many things said about him that weren't kind, and he said, 'My wife, who is lovely and social and everything like that, is my human credential.' And, like, makes him a human being, because people think, 'Well, if she can stand him, he must have some humanity within him' — and sometimes I think about Scully as Mulder's human credential.

"It's the only thing that makes him not crazy in many ways."
—David Duchovny

"But luck is only part of my success; it takes courage, determination, honesty and integrity to pursue your dreams.

"As for words of advice: Look back to the past, and use it to draw lessons and strength, but do not let it determine your future."
—Kellie Lim

"Men do not quit playing because they grow old; they grow old because they quit playing."
—Oliver Wendell Holmes

"You need a target — however big or small — and to build your health and fitness towards it...If there was no goal, I'm sure I would still be bedridden or in a wheelchair after I broke my pelvis. But I had that goal to climb Mount Everest. I got fit, and I got to the top."
—Yuichi Miura

"The power of love—it really is so powerful. From love, you can have faith; you can have hope; you can have peace."
—Steve Snow

"Love is a superpower. It makes the bad guys good."
—Julianna Snow

"Look at my blood. It's not different from anyone's blood. We're humans at the end of the day. It doesn't matter what we believe in and what our name is; that's what we are at the end of the day."
—Mahmoud ElAwadi

"#GaysBreakTheInternet I won't live in fear bc of some stupid homophobic people.I'm proud of who I am &always will be"
—Emeli Avaloz (@FrickenEmeliCx)

"Regardless of your sexuality, religion, ethnicity... a human with a beating heart does not deserve to die for being who they are. Just because I do not share the same beliefs as the person beside me doesn't mean I love them any less.

"These people went to a place where they knew they could live, full of freedom, laughter, love and happiness... and their innocent and beautiful lives were taken. Love is love and hate can take us down... but love will bring us back up again!! This tragedy broke my heart and my thoughts and prayers are with Orlando during this time. The world needs to change."
—Bailey Burk (@baileyburk14)

"You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you do not try."
—Beverly Sills

"This is our fucking city, and nobody's gonna dictate our freedom."
—David Ortiz

"Oh, no. No, no, no, young man, no. I am not a hero. No. I did what I had to do, because it was the right thing to do. That is all. But even an ordinary secretary or a housewife or a teenager can, within their own small ways, turn on a small light in a dark room. Yeah?

"I have read your letters, and your teacher has been telling me many things about your experiences. You are the heroes; you are heroes every day. Your faces are engraved on my heart."
—Miep Gies

"You know, I've been through a lot personally, and there are families who have gone through a lot more than what I've gone through with heart problems. And I've reached out to families in Minnesota and Ontario who have lost their sons or daughters to heart incidents while playing hockey, and you know if there is a positive I want to take out of this, it's that you know I'm here, and I'm a positive story, and I can be a father, I can be a husband. I want to move forward in my life, I don't like to look back, but if we can take a positive out of it and what we've done is that we've tried to start a charity in Dallas where we are going to start a heart awareness center on March 12. We've teamed up with the American Heart Association hoping we can bring awareness to you know heart problems and finding ways to prevent these things; if it's screening or if it's a defibulator, instructions, just things that we could do to help going forward. You know if we can get this going maybe we can get the whole League to jump on our backs and do this. I think that'd be great for us and the team and the American Heart Association."
—Rich Peverley

"It was a scary decision to make as no one in my sport, no one in action sports and very few men in sport in general had come out before me.

"So I didn't know if people were going to receive it positively or if I was going to kind of be pushed aside because of it.

"I'm allowed to feel comfortable now, and I feel as if I've given myself room to just be me.

"I don't have to worry about this other aspect of my life and can just let my skiing speak for itself."
—Gus Kenworthy

"Very few burdens are heavy if everyone lifts."
—Sy Wise

"We grieve and mourn the loss, but this is for those still here. We need to show those still here before they end up in the news, before they become hashtags and memes ... Trans youth need to know that their lives matter while they're still living them."
—Callie Wright

"So, I don't want to hear about what we're all concerned about, terrorism now and things that are going on. This is the legacy. You guys. What message does it send to our first responders if once we're done as a nation with them helping us, that we forget about them? That's unacceptable to me."
—John Stewart

"People ask me what I've lost, but I don't feel that I've lost anything. I have my son and daughter the way they should be."
—Beth McGarrity

"I want them to know that they aren't alone. The more we talk and the more we share, the less frightening and taboo having a trans child becomes. Education and support are key. We need to stop being so invisible so that others can be less afraid."
—Debi Jackson

"When I discover who I am, I'll be free."
—Ralph Ellison, "Invisible Man"

"Niemand ist mehr Sklave, als der sich für frei hält, ohne es zu sein."

"None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free."
—Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

"Liberty has never come from the government. Liberty has always come from the subjects of it. The history of liberty is a history of resistance."
—Woodrow Wilson

"If we train our minds to be in constant gratitude and appreciation, good comes into our lives. Miracles seem to happen, and happiness becomes a daily part of life."
—Dr. Wendy Nickerson

"There are those kinds of people that want to be different because they just want to be different, and there's those kinds of people that want to be different because they're looking for something to help them be more successful."
—Kevin Kelley

"I am so looking forward to that day when we finally know there is life outside the Earth. And I do not care whether it is a tiny bacteria or whether it's a civilization we can talk to. For the first time we will know that we're not alone, and that's going to change everything."
—Michelle Thaller

"Realizing now how comfortable I am in my own skin, or how I am getting more comfortable as I transition, I've kind of had the mind-set of maybe risking my career so that other people can have a chance—maybe that's what I'm supposed to do."
—First Sergeant Ochoa

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen, heard or even touched. They must be felt with the heart."
—Helen Keller

"When we walk to the edge of all the light we have and take the step into the darkness of the unknown, we must believe that one of two things will happen. There will be something solid for us to stand on, or we will be taught to fly."
—Patrick Overton

"At the end of life, what really matters is not what we bought but what we built; not what we got but what we shared; not our competence but our character; and not our success but our significance. Live a life that matters. Live a life of love."

"The past is our definition. We may strive with good reason to escape it or to escape what is bad in it, but we will escape it only by adding something better to it."
—Wendell Berry

"Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of overcoming it."
—Helen Keller

"You must make a decision that you are going to move on. It won't happen automatically. You will have to rise up and say, 'I don't care how hard this is, I don't care how disappointed I am; I'm not going to let this get the best of me. I'm moving on with my life.'"
—Joel Osteen

"There are some people out there who put you down in life, mock your dreams and challenge your personality; they look like winners. But in actual fact, they are only voicing out thieir insecurities and jealousy. Do not let them pull you down. Believe and accept yourself, and hold on to what you believe in."

"If you could do tomorrow over again, would you?"
—Seth Godin

"The person who says something is impossible should not interrupt the person who is doing it."
—Chinese Proverb

"The best teachers are those wo show us where to look, but don't tell you what to see."
—Alexandra K.Trenfor

"Stop being afraid of what could go wrong, and start being positive about what could go right."

"Life is fragile. We're not guaranteed a tomorrow, so give it everything you've got."
—Tim Cook

"Don't live your fears, live your dreams."

"If you do not go after go after what you want, you will never have it. If you do not ask, the answer will always be NO. If you do not step forward, you will always be in the same place."
—Dorothy Colon

"The only thing standing between you and your goal is the bullshit story you keep telling yourself as to why you can't achieve it."
—Jordan Belfort

"You must be the change that your wish to see in the world."
—Mahatma Ghandi

"The battles that count aren't the ones for gold medals. The struggles within yourself—the invisible battles inside all of us—that's where it's at."
—Jesse Owens

"It always seems impossible until it is done."
—Nelson Mandela

"Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year. But eventually it will subside, and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever."
—Lance Armstrong

"Find out who you are and be that person. That's what your soul was put on this Earth to be. Find that truth, live that truth and everything else will come."
—Ellen DeGeneres

"Never tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon."

"People may hate you for being different and not living by society's standards, but deep down, they wish they had the courage to do the same."
—Kevin Hart

"If you have made mistakes...there's always a chance for you...You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call 'failure' is not falling down but staying down."
—Mary Pickford

"The greatness comes not when things go always good for you. But the greatness comes when you're really tested, when you take some knocks, some disappointments, when sadness comes. Because only if you've been in the deepest valley can you ever know how magnificent it is to be on the highest mountain."
—Richard Nixon

"When I was five years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down, 'happy.' They told me I didn't understand the assignment, and I told them they didn't understand life."
—John Lennon

"We all make mistakes, have struggles and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future."
—Dr. Steve Maraboli

"Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life."

"Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it."

"To be a champion, I think you have to see the big picture. It's not about winning and losing; it's about every day hard work and about thriving on a challenge. It's about embracing the pain that you'll experience at the end of a race and not being afraid. I think people think too hard and get afraid of a certain challenge."
—Summer Sanders

"I have had dreams, and I have had nightmares; but I have conquered my nightmares because of my dreams."
—Jonas Salk

"You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don't try to forget the mistakes, but you don't dwell on it. You don't let it have any of your energy or any of your time or any of your space."
—Johnny Cash

"Much of your pain is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self."
—Khalil Gibran

"No person has the right to rain on your dreams."
—Marian Wright Edelman

"Yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or lose."
—Lyndon B. Johnson

"The way positive reinforcement is carried out is more important than the amount."
—B. F. Skinner

"Dream small dreams. If you make them too big, you get overwhelmed, and you don't do anything. If you make small goals and accomplish them, it gives you the confidence to go on to higher goals."
—John H. Johnson

"Correction does much, but encouragement does more."
—Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

"Delete the negative; accentuate the positive!"
—Donna Karan

"Perpetual optimism is a force multiplier."
—Colin Powell

"The joy of life comes from our encounter with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun."
—Christopher McCandless

"There are powers inside of you which, if you could discover and use, would make of you everything you ever dreamed or imagined you could become."
—Orison Swett Marden

"It's not the situation, but whether we react negative or respond positive to the situation that is important."
—Zig Ziglar

"Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; but remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for."

"Dream and give yourself permission to envision a You that you choose to be."
—Joy Page

"Consult not your fears but your hopes and your dreams. Think not about your frustrations but about all your unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in but with what it is still possible for you to do."
—Pope John XXII

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma—which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition."
—Steve Jobs

"Trust your own instincts, go inside, follow your heart. Right from the start. go ahead and stand up for what you believe in. As I've learned, that's the path to happiness."
—Lesley Ann Warren

"No matter what happens or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow."
—Maya Angelou

"The more I want to get something done, the less I call it work."
—Richard Bach

"Even if you fall on your face, you're still moving foward."
—Victor Kiam

"Believe and act as if it were impossible to fail."
—Charles Kettering

"The first step toward success is taken when you refuse to be a captive of the environment which you find yourself in."
—Mark Caine

"It's hard to wait around for something you know might never happen; but it's even harder to give up when you know it's everything you want."

"The probability that we may fail in the struggle ought not to deter us from the support of a cause we believe to be just."
—Abraham Lincoln

"Just because one cannot see, doesn't mean he has no vision. And just because one cannot walk, doesn't mean he can't go the distance."
—Steveland Morris, aka Stevie Wonder

"Normally, to break a Navy SEAL, you have to kill us. That's why we make it into our training, that's why we make ourselves SEALS because the only way to break us is to kill us.

"...I was in bad shape. I was dying. I didn't know what to do. And I was laying in this tree, looking at the moon, feeling sorry for myself. My brother's a Navy SEAL, too, my twin brother, and I was thinking about him and my teammates, and all the training that I had been through. I laid there and I was like, 'You're being a bitch. Get up, let's go.' That's exactly what I said. What was I going to do, lay down there and die? I wasn't going to do that. I definitely wasn't going to feel sorry for myself. And I kept thinking, 'Okay, I'm alive, man. I'm alive. They fought and died, I'm still alive, so the mission's still on. Let's go.'

"So I reached out and I grabbed a rock. And I reached out as far as I could and I drew a line in the dirt in front of me. I was like, 'I'm going to crawl to that till my feet hit it. If I'm still alive, I'm going to do it again.' And that's what I did. I'd draw a line and crawl 'til my feet hit it. I'd fall down a hill, I'd crawl up another hill, and I'd draw another line. And I did that for seven miles.

"Somebody was like, 'Well, why didn't you quit?' That's not an option. That's what I am... Basically, I'm not going to stop, ever, period, until you take everything away from me, you strip it all away. That's how we're trained. From the day you go into training, they take away everything that you are and that you ever were, and they mold you back up to what they want you to be."
—Marcus Luttrell, U.S. Navy SEAL

"Think about winning the day ... If you are worried about the mountain in the distance, you might trip over the molehill right in front of you."
—Drew Brees

"Your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth."

"All great things are simple, and many can be expressed in single words: Freedom; Justice; Honour; Duty; Mercy; Hope."
—Winston Churchill

"In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure."
—Bill Cosby

"I'm not going into hiding. I know I'm fortunate enough to live in a country where law and order prevail and people can't take matters into their own hands, and affords me the freedom to speak. And I want to use that privilege to defend what we have in Australia and to keep it."
—Dr. Jamal Rifi

"Talent wins games, but teamwork and intelligence wins championships."
—Michael Jordan

"Don't let your limitations overshadow your talents."

"A compass, I learnt when I was surveying, it'll point you True North from where you are standing, but it's got no advice about the swamps and deserts and chasms you'll encounter along the way. If in pursuit of your destination you plunge ahead, heedless of obstacles, and achieve nothing more than to sink in a swamp, what's the use of knowing True North?"
—Abraham Lincoln

"Look again at that dot. That's here; that's home; that's us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every 'superstar,' every 'supreme leader,' every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there—on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.

"The Earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner of this pixel on the scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some other corner, how frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds.

"Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors so that, in glory and triumph, they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot.

"Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the Universe, are challenged by this point of pale light. Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity, in all this vastness, there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves.

"The Earth is the only world known so far to harbor life. There is nowhere else, at least in the near future, to which our species could migrate. Visit, yes. Settle, not yet. Like it or not, for the moment the Earth is where we make our stand.

"It has been said that astronomy is a humbling and character-building experience. There is perhaps no better demonstration of the folly of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world. To me, it underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly with one another, and to preserve and cherish the pale blue dot, the only home we've ever known."
—Carl Sagan

"Every flower must grow through dirt."

"Do not underestimate yourself by comparing yourself with others.

"It's our differences that make us unique and define just how special we are."
—Ritu Ghatourey

"To err is human.

"To blame it on somebody else shows management potential."

"Don't sacrifice your peace trying to point out someone's true colours. Lack of character always reveals itself in the end."
—Mandy Hale

"I am happy to support the Mars One effort. Mars is the first test of how humans will expand beyond the Earth."
—Christopher P. McKay, PhD (USA), Planetary Scientist with the Space Science Division of NASA Ames

"To be part of this Advisory Team for Mars One is both an honour and a challenge. I think this is an exciting and cutting-edge project that will impact our society and the way we view the world. History has been made when the impossible is made possible and where the struggle is the impetus to change."
—Prof. Raye Kass, PhD (Canada), Professor of Applied Human Sciences at Concordia University, Montreal

"...Man, if we could go somewhere near the equator of Mars on a summer Mars day and look at some slushy, super-salty ice and find molybdenum dioxide-enabled Martian microbes, it would change the world. And there's one way to make sure you never find them; that's to not go looking.

"It's so inexpensive, everybody. I'm telling you, this is a worthy pursuit."
—Bill Nye the Science Guy

"Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you."
—Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
—Bernard M. Baruch

"It is foolish and wrong to mourn the men who died. Rather, we should thank God that such men lived."
—General George S. Patton, Jr

"Determination not to change our lifestyle, not to give in to the intimidation that is at the heart of all terrorist acts. Terrorism is about creating fear and making you change the way you live, and we will not do that; I refuse to do it.

"The day after the Seven/Seven bombings, Piers, I rode the tube. And today I walked throughout the back bay up and down—obviously Boylston Street, that section was sealed off—but there are people doing the same thing. There was one guy playing a lovely alto sax who was walking up and down Newbridge Street, playing "Over the Rainbow" and some great jazz standards. And that was sort of the attitude, the best way I could give it; Boston, we gave the middle finger to those guys whoever they are. We're not gonna change, we refuse to change."
—Kevin Cullen

"You know, we take only three things seriously here, and that's: sports; politics; and revenge. I think it's gonna take a lot more than what was done yesterday to knock a town like Boston out.

"I really sensed that across the city today because people were angry, and people were absolutely determined—you know I was in Omagh in Northern Ireland in 1998 three hours after that bomb went off, and I was in London within eight hours after the Seven/Seven bombings, and what I experienced in Omagh and London after those atrocities I experienced today in my home town; and it was a deep sadness followed by a resoluteness that these people will not get to us. We will not let them win, and I will predict, Piers, next year, we will have the biggest Boston marathon ever. They'll have to turn people away because people will come from all over the world as they always do, but they will come even in greater numbers next year because we need to show whoever did this, they did not win one thing."
—Kevin Cullen

"You watch the videos of the carnage and there are people running TOWARDS the destruction to help out...This is a giant planet and we're lucky to live on it but there are prices and penalties incurred for the daily miracle of existence. One of them is, every once in awhile, the wiring of a tiny sliver of the species gets snarled and they're pointed towards darkness.

"But the vast majority stands against that darkness and, like white blood cells attacking a virus, they dilute and weaken and eventually wash away the evil doers and, more importantly, the damage they wreak. This is beyond religion or creed or nation. We would not be here if humanity were inherently evil. We'd have eaten ourselves alive long ago.

"So when you spot violence, or bigotry, or intolerance or fear or just garden-variety misogyny, hatred or ignorance, just look it in the eye and think, 'The good outnumber you, and we always will.'"
—Patton Oswalt

"Yesterday morning, I sat and read the news with a cup of coffee in hand. The headline read: 'Lance Armstrong's tarnished legacy.' Tarnished? His records may be tarnished, his racing image may be tarnished, and his trophies may now be tarnished. But his legacy? Never. His legacy lives on in the cancer survivors, and their families, whose lives were saved because of the Livestrong Foundation. And it lives on in people like me who get up and run — no matter what. We will all 'Livestrong' forever, together, bonded by a simple yellow band and a common mentality."

"What happened, it's part of me, part of my life, and it's all the time in my mind and with me. But I have to live, and I have to love."
—Aesha Mohammadzai

"Sometimes you value least the people who love you most...until you remember that without them, your life is worth nothing."

"There is a flickering spark in each of us, which if struck at just the right age, will light up the rest of our lives."
—Ronald Reagan

"Some may try and tell us that this is the end of an era. But what they overlook is that in America every day is a new beginning, and every sunset is merely the latest milestone on a voyage that never ends."
—Ronald Reagan

"Having him is like having a battle buddy with you, somebody who is going to watch your back—knowing if you don't see it, he will."
—David Angel Leos

"When a veteran trains their own service dog, there are immediate benefits right off the bat. They have a mission and a purpose again. It gives them something to focus on and to complete. It gives them a sense of security and safety. ... They know they're not alone. They've always got their buddy at the end of the leash."
—Mary Cortani

"This is our future. What you're doing here to help train those folks is absolutely superb, and you should be proud."
—Gen. Keith Alexander

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us."
—Helen Keller

"A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty."
—Winston Churchill

"The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them."
—Ernest Hemingway

"Life is like a camera: just focus on what's important and capture the good times, develop from the negatives; and if things don't work out, just take another shot."

"There are so many people out there who will tell you that you can't. What you've got to do is turn around and say, 'Watch me.'"

"All you nay-sayers are astounding me.

"You're all the same type of person who called Columbus an idiot because he was going to sail off the edge of the flat earth."

"What is captured on the pages can be printed again. If they burn 1,000, we can print 10,000. What's the big deal? A NATO soldier killing innocent people is far more painful than the burning of a Quran. I would rather they burn 100 Qurans than to hurt one woman or man or child."
—Sheikh Ibrahim Mogra

"Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else."

"Statistics show that about every Taliban a sniper takes down saves about three Marines' lives. So, that's really—at the end of the day—that's what our job is all about, it's saving Marines' lives. And it's something I take very seriously."
—Sgt Shane Gibney

"Do you not get the joke? I'm making fun of people who take the bracelets too literally; they're not magical. They are a reminder to be a better person, to live a better life. And if you need a rubber band around your wrist to be that, here's an idea: take it off and snap yourself in the eye, and see if that wakes you."

"If the situation were to arise, and it was my turn to give my life so that other people might live, I'm prepared to do so. My life was saved, and I'm prepared to give back."
—Rick Bryan, World Trade Center survivor (89th floor, north tower)

"I can hear you. The rest of the world hears you. And the people who knocked these buildings down will hear from all of us soon."
—George W. Bush

"It has finally rumored that the United States has an active campaign of launching drone missiles uhh, in the tribal areas—that this is something, which has never been acknowledged by the CIA or the U.S. government. But it is a clear fact there are a significant number of individuals associated with Al Qaeda who have disappeared in a puff of smoke."
—Robert Grenier

"The resolve of our great nation is being tested. Make no mistake, we will show the world we will pass this test."
—George W. Bush

"Hope is the thing with feathers, that perches in the soul, and sings the tune without words, and never stops at all."
—Emily Dickenson

"I cannot envision all of humanity remaining on this planet. Humanity's destination is in space."
—Dr. Franklin Chang-Diaz

"Arrow goes forward only after pulling it backward. Bullet goes forward only after pressing the trigger backward.
Every human being will get happy only after facing the difficulties in their life path...
So be not afraid to face your difficulties. They will push you forward."

"I am sure somebody out there in our country's saying, 'My life is miserable. Why me?' — and I hope they take a look at one of these vets and say, 'Hey, that person can do it; I can overcome my difficulty.'"
—George W. Bush

"That's the difference between people like me and heroes who stop and say, 'Is there anybody I can help get out?' I don't know. You know, heroism is someone maybe who is so afraid, who's so frightened that gets fed up and says, 'Dammit, I'm not going to let this happen not only to me but to somebody else.'"
—Louis Lesce, World Trade Center survivor (86th floor, north tower)

"It just goes to show the disconnect between those we elect to represent us and those that get out there and do the work because I am here to say that you won't find a single New York City firefighter who considers it a sign of disrespect to work in a New York City firehouse on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day."
—Kenny Speck, FDNY

"If we give someone more freedom and more opportunities to use their imagination, then they will deliver beyond your wildest dreams. But they have got to have the opportunity to explore, the opportunity to face fear because it's through all of those things that we learn what's the next level."
—Jill Heinerth

"It is easy to give up when something seems impossible, but trying your best to overcome something is rewarding. Challenging the impossible is something only humans can do, and it is something we should do."
—Tatsuya Okabe, Ph.D.

"People always say to me, 'Where do you draw the line?' I say, 'Well, there is no line — it's whatever is inside of you.'"
—John Stewart

"Ideas are like stars; you will not succeed in touching them with your hands. But like the seafaring man on the desert of waters, you choose them as your guides, and following them you will reach your destiny."
—Carl Schurz

"My strength lies solely in my tenacity."
—Louis Pasteur

"We need to tackle the challenge of connecting 93-million Americans to our broadband future. In the 21st century, a digital divide is an opportunity divide. To bolster American competitiveness abroad and create the jobs of the future here at home, we need to make sure that all Americans have the skills and means to fully participate in the digital economy."
—Julius Genachowski, FCC Chairman

"I also feel like when I am getting a massage that's when they're going to find 'the lump.' Like do you know how I feel like somebody will be manipulating and say, 'Hey, did you know...?' 'Nope!' Because if you don't know, you don't know. If you don't do any self-examinations or see a doctor ever, you'll live forever. That's how you do it. The diagnosis is what gets you. You just have a 'don't ask, don't tell' policy with any and all bodily functions."
—Janeane Garofalo

"But terrorism is waged by individuals. We saw these young, peasant boys who had little education and no prospects in their country; they are the ones who enlist for the Jihad. So we have political and ideological forces on one hand and the simple despair of young men on the other. The two have combined to create a deadly mix. The only way this movie will end well is if we tackle both sides of this problem, and we need to get the military-informed policy right. But we also need to change the sense of hopelessness and the culture of hate that exists in these societies. We need to help these young men you just watched embrace life rather than death."
—Fareed Zakaria, Terror in Mumbai

"The chief enemy of creativity is good taste."
White Zombie Picasso

"Always play the melody, man. Look at them, see their age group, play their love songs, and you'll carry all the money to the bank."
—Louis Armstrong

"What lies behind us and what lies before us is nothing compared to what lies within us."
—Ralph Waldo Emerson

"In each of us there burns a flame of independence that must never be allowed to go out. That as long as it exists within us cannot be destroyed."
—Bryce Courtenay

"Everything looks impossible for the people who never try anything."
—Jean-Louis Etienne

"Knowledge becomes wisdom only after it has been put to practical use."

"Mistakes are a fact of life. It is the response to error that counts."
—Nikki Giovanni

"The only way to kill time is to work it to death."
—Stan Mauldin

"He who asks a question may be a fool for five minutes, but he who never asks a question remains a fool forever."
—Tom J. Connelly

"I never make stupid mistakes. Only very, very clever ones."
—John Peel

"There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it."
—Edith Wharton

"Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again."
—Franklin P. Jones

"Failure is not falling down but refusing to get up."
—Chinese Proverb

"We aim above the mark to hit the mark."
—Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work."
—Robert Orben

"Do, or do not;–there is no 'try.'"

"If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door."
—Milton Berle

"In youth we learn; in age we understand."

"Problems cannot be solved on the same level of awareness which created them."
—Albert Einstein

"Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail."
—Ralph Waldo Emerson

"The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn and relearn."
—Alvin Toffler

"Fallacies do not cease to be fallacies because they become fashions."
—G. K. Chesterton

"Experience is what you got by not having it when you need it."
—Aldous Huxley

"In nature there are neither rewards nor punishments; there are consequences."
—Robert Green

"There are a lot of ways to become a failure, but never taking a chance is the most successful."

"You may delay, but time will not."
—Benjamin Franklin

"Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep."
—Scott Adams

"If you can't make a mistake, you can't make anything."
—Marva Collins

"You can't control the wind, but you can adjust your sails."
—Albert Einstein

"Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored."
—Aldous Huxley

"You'll always miss 100% of the shots you don't take."
—Wayne Gretzky

"Many ideas grow better when transplanted into another mind than in the one where they sprang up."
—Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

"If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur."
—Red Adair

"Trust your hunches. They're usually based on facts filed away just below the conscious level."
—Dr. Joyce Brothers

"The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said."
—Peter F. Drucker

"The difference between the impossible and the possible lies in a person's determination."
—Tommy Lasorda

"The greatest gifts you can give your children are roots of responsibility and wings of independence."
—Denis Waitley

"Always listen to experts. They'll tell you what can't be done and why. Then do it."
—Robert A. Heinlein

"What counts is not necessarily the size of the dog in the fight—it's the size of the fight in the dog."
—Dwight D. Eisenhower

"Discoveries are often made by not following instructions, by going off the main road, by trying the untried."
—Frank Tyger

"People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within."
—Elizabeth Kubler Ross

"Imagination is more important than knowledge."
—Albert Einstein

"That which we persist in doing becomes easier—not that the nature of the task has changed, but our abilities have increased."
—Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Look up and not down, look forward and not back, look out and not in. Lend a hand."
—Edward Everett Hale

"The greatest test of courage on earth is to bear defeat without losing heart."
—Robert Green Ingersoll

"There is a close connection between getting up in the world and getting up in the morning."

"We each have only enough strength to complete those assignments that we are fully convinced are important."
—Johann Goethe

"It is what a man thinks of himself that really determines his fate."
—Henry David Thoreau

"No one can give you better advice than yourself."

"There is nothing good or bad, but thinking makes it so."

"If you don't invest much, then defeat doesn't hurt very much and winning is not very exciting."
—Dick Vermeil

"Success is not built on what we accomplish for ourselves. Its foundation lies in what we do for others."
—Danny Thomas

"The great man is he, who in the midst of the crowd, keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude."
—Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Remember that someone, somewhere, is practicing, and when you meet him he will win."
—Edward Macauley

"When the time to perform arrives, the time to prepare has past."

"When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."
—Arthur Conan Doyle

"The principal mark of genius is not perfection but originality, the opening of new frontiers."
—Arthur Koestler

"Don't be a fool and die for your country. Let the other son-of-a-bitch die for his."
—General George S. Patton, Jr.

"One who fears limits his activities. Failure is only the opportunity to more intelligently begin again."
—Henry Ford

"To think is easy. To act is hard. But the hardest thing in the world to do is to act in accordance with your thinking."
—Johann Goethe

"Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future."
—John F. Kennedy

"You can't depend on your judgment when your imagination is out of focus."
—Mark Twain


"The task ahead of you is never greater than the strength within you."

"Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment."
—Jim Rohn

"If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader."
—John Quincy Adams

"If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything."
Chuck D. Malcom X

"Responsible leaders confront problems—they don't pass them along to others. Leaders are never content with the status quo—they look down the road, anticipate and prepare for new challenges and new opportunities. And good leaders create a climate of honesty and integrity."
—George W. Bush

"If you have been voting for politicians who promise to give you goodies at someone else's expense, then you should have no right to complain when they take your money and give it to someone else, including themselves."
—Thomas Sowell

"...It's time to load our elected officials on troop planes and send them to Camp Shelby, Mississippi. Put them in tents with no air conditioning, have Army drill sergeants teach them teamwork and physical sacrifice. When they recognize their responsibility to the people of America, they can return to D.C., their upscale restaurants and military plane trips, as though they were royalty. And if they can't? Better that they should fail to learn what an 18-year-old Army private understands than continue to fail America."
—Lt. Gen. Russel Honoré (Ret)

"One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors."

"I can give you a six-word formula for success: Think things through—then follow through."
—Captain Edward V. Rickenbacker

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."
—Martin Luther King, Jr.

"If the rate of change on the outside exceeds the rate of change on the inside, the end is near."
—Jack Welch

"A leader is a man who has the ability to get people to do what they don't want to do and like it."
—Harry S. Truman

"You have achieved excellence as a leader when people will follow you everywhere if only out of curiosity."
—Colin Powell

"The secret of success in life is for a man to be ready for his time when it comes."
—Benjamin Disraeli

"The best executive is the one who has sense enough to pick good men to do what he wants done, and self-restraint enough to keep from meddling with them while they do it."
—Theodore Roosevelt

"'What is our aim?' I answer in one word: Victory—victory at all costs, victory in spite of all terror, victory however long and hard the road may be; for without victory, there is no survival."
—Winston Churchill

"For everything you have missed, you have gained something else; and for everything you gain, you lose something."
—Ralph Waldo Emerson

"The final test of a leader is that he leaves behind in others the conviction and will to carry on."
—Walter Lippmann


"If you treat me like an option, I'll leave you like a choice."

"I was never really insane except upon occasions when my heart was touched."
—Edgar Allen Poe

"You are just one thought away from my heart no matter how far away you are."

"The worst feeling isn't being lonely; it's being forgotten by someone you'd never forget."

"I'm not single; I'm not taken; I'm simply on reserve for the one who deserves my heart."

"The thing about being single is, you should cherish it. Because, in a week, or a lifetime, of being alone, you may only get one moment. One moment, when you're not tied up in a relationship with anyone. A parent, a pet, a sibling, a friend. One moment, when you stand on your own. Really, truly single. And's gone."
—Dakota Johnson, 'Alice,' "How to Be Single"

"It may have been in pieces, but I gave you the best of me."
—Jim Morrison

"I knew I was playing with fire when we met, so I couldn't blame you for when I got burned."
—Bridgett Devoue

"One day, when I wake up at 3 a.m., unable to sleep I will look next to me, and you will be there. Sleeping peacefully beside me, and suddenly the world won't seem so lonely."

"Sometimes you need to know your place in someone's life because you might get hurt if you expect to much."

"I like being alone. I have control over my own shit. Therefore, in order to win me over, your presence has to feel better than my solitude. You're not competing with another person, you are competing with my comfort zones."
—Horacio Jones

"The worst distance between two people is misunderstanding."

"Always tell someone how you feel because oppotunities are lost in the blink of an eye, but regret can last a lifetime."

"Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than to hurt yourself trying to put them back together."

"If you are consistently trying to find your loves in someone else, you'll stay stuck in a whirlwind of uncertainty."

"People who are drawn together don't have the protection of the laws of gravity to keep them apart.

"The consequences don't matter when we're drawn to one another. All that matters is the power of that touch; skin to skin.

"But there are always consequences.

"Eventually the moon sets, and the sun rises, and whatever happened in the magic of that moment has to face the hard truth of the light of day."
—Aisha Hinds, 'Henrietta “Hen” Wilson,' 911

"When my absence doesn't alter your life, then my presence has no meaning in it."

"I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy. Because they know what it's like to feel absolutely worthless, and they don't want anybody else to feel like that."
—Robin Williams

"Staying in an unhealthy relationship can keep a person from finding their own way and moving to the next level of their own path—and that person could even be you. Sometimes the best way to save someone is to walk away.

"Real love sometimes means saying goodbye."
—Bryant McGill

"We may love the wrong people and cry for the wrong reasons, but one thing is for sure: these mistakes help us find the right ones."

"It takes a strong person to remain single in a world that is accustomed to settling with anything just to say they have something."

"Single isn't a status. It's a word that describes a person who's strong enough to enjoy life without depending on others."

"You might not have been my first love, but you were the love that made all the other loves irrelevant."
—Rupi Kaur

"Don't change yourself to win someone's heart.

"Stay true, and you'll find someone who likes you for being you."

"I removed 'L' from 'lover,' and now it's 'Over.'"

"Does anybody really know anybody?"
—Aisha Hinds, 'Henrietta “Hen” Wilson,' 911

"You'll never be able to find yourself if you're lost in someone else."
—Colleen Hoover

"If you cheat on someone who is willing to do anything for you, you actually cheated yourself out of true loyalty."

"The problem is, women think he will change, but he won't. The mistake men make is thinking she'll never leave, but she will."

"Having perfected our disguise, we spend our lives searching for someone we don't fool."
—Robert Brault

"Never cry for someone who hurts you. Just smile and say, 'Thanks for giving me a chance to find someone better than you."

"I may not have all the things I could possibly want in life, but I'm glad I got you."

"A friend is someone who can see the truth and pain in you even when you are fooling everyone else."

"A relationship is two imperfect people refusing to give up on each other."
—Kate Stewart

"If you carry old bricks from your past relationship to your new one, you will end up building the same house that fell apart before."

"Love is not about how frequently you say, 'I love you,' but how much you can prove that it's true."

"Staying with someone who treats you without value doesn't mean you're loyal. It means you have confused dedication with desperation."
—Charles J. Orlando

"When it's time for souls to meet, there's nothing on Earth that can prevent them from meeting, no matter where each may be located. When two hearts are meant for each other, no distance is too far; no time is too long; and no other love can break them apart."
—Jamie Lichauco

"Whatever you give a woman, she is going to multiply. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges whatever is given to her. So, if you give her any crap, you will receive a ton of shit."

"It's nice when someone remembers every detail about you. Not because you keep reminding them, but because they pay attention to you."

"Never long for anyone from the past. There is a reason why they never made it to your future."

"Sometimes you can't let go of what is making you sad because it was the only thing that made you happy."

"I'm close to very few people, but those few people mean everything to me."

"Falling in love is easy. Having sex is easier. But bumping into someone who can spark your soul, that shit is rare."

"You can close your eyes to the things you don't want to see, but you can't close your heart to the things you don't want to feel."

"The broken will always be able to love harder than most.

"Once you've been in the dark, you learn to appreciate everything that shines."

"No matter how many times a snake sheds its skin, it will always be a snake."

"If someone shows you their true colours, don't try to repaint them."

"A true relationship is someone who accepts your past, supports your present, loves you and encourages your future."

"A relationship without trust is like having a phone with no service. And what do you do with a phone with no service? You play games."

"I'm a good enough person to forgive you but not stupid enough to trust you again."

"A relationship isn't a test, so why cheat?"

"Sometimes there are things in your life that aren't meant to stay. Sometimes change may not be what we want. Sometimes change is what we really need. And sometimes saying goodbye is the hardest thing you think you'll ever have to do, but saying, 'Hello again,' that breaks you down and makes you the most vulnerable person you will ever know. Sometimes change is too much to bear, but most of the time, change is the only thing saving your life."

"One day someone will walk into your life and make you see why it never worked out with anyone else."

"Friendship is like standing on wet cement. The longer you stay, the harder it's to leave, and you can never go without leaving your footprints behind."

"Friendship isn't about whom you have known the longest...It's about who came and never left your side."

"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."

"Never explain yourself. Your friends don't need it, and your enemies won't believe it."
—Belgicia Howell

"Now thanks to you...I'm scared to fall in love again.

"First of all, you broke my heart when I expected you to be the last one to do it. And now I'm left with my heart broken and in pieces, and you don't even bother to notice. It's sad because all along I thought you knew me better than everyone else...but now I am starting to wonder if you even knew me at all."

"I can't promise to solve all your problems, but I can promise you won't have to face them alone."

"I may not get to see you as often as I like. I may not get to hold you in my arms all through the night. But deep in my heart I truly know, you're the one that I love, and I can't let you go."

"I've learned that things change, people change, and it doesn't mean you forget the past or try to cover it up. It simply means that you move on and treasure the memories. Letting go doesn't mean giving means accepting that some things weren't meant to be."
—Lisa Brooks

"If you love someone, tell them...because hearts are often broken by words left unspoken."
—Pamela Daranjo

"If you asked me how many times you have crossed my mind, I would say once because you never really left."

"If I could give you one thing in life, I would give you the ability to see yourself through my eyes, only then would you realize how special you are to me..."

"If you can't get someone off your mind, they are probably supposed to be there."

"Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep...wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in track pants, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have YOU...The one who turns to his friends and says, 'That's her...'"
—Harry Tottszer

"Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you was beyond my control."

"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams."
—Dr. Seuss

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go; things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they're right; you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself; and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."
—Marilyn Monroe

"Not from my heart, for I have not forgotten. We are all the pieces of what we remember. We hold in ourselves the hopes and fears of those who love us. As long as there is love and memory, there is no true loss."
—Cassandra Clare, "City of Heavenly Fire"

"When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can look beside you, and your best friend will be there."

"Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light."
—Helen Keller

"Don't say you love me unless you mean it because I might do something believe it!"

"I'm not crying because of you; you're not worth it. I'm crying because of my delusion of who you were was shattered by the truth of who you are."
—Dr. Steve Maraboli

"Sometimes you will never know the true value of a moment until it becomes a memory."

"True friends are those who came into your life, saw the most negative part of you, but are not ready to leave you no matter how contagious you are to them."
—Michael Bassey Johnson

"Our chief want is someone who will inspire us to be what we know what we could be."
—Ralph Waldo Emerson

"No person has the right to rain on your dreams."
—Marian Wright Edelman

"A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality."
—Yoko Ono

"I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each other's dreams, we can play together all night."
—Bill Watterson

"I believe that two people are connected at the heart, and it doesn't matter what you do, or who you are or where you live; there are no boundaries or barriers if two people are destined to be together."
—Julia Roberts

"There is a magnet in your heart that will attract true friends. That magnet is unselfishness, thinking of others first; when you learn to live for others, they will live for you."
—Paramahansa Yogananda

"The human heart has hidden treasures, In secret kept, in silence sealed; The thoughts, the hopes, the dreams, the pleasures, Whose charms were broken if revealed."
—Charlotte Bronte

"If you find it in your heart to care for somebody else, you will have succeeded."
—Maya Angelou

"Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history but not part of your destiny."
—Dr. Steve Maraboli

"The person in life that you will always be with the most, is yourself. Because even when you are with others, you are still with yourself, too! When you wake up in the morning, you are with yourself, laying in bed at night you are with yourself, walking down the street in the sunlight you are with yourself. What kind of person do you want to walk down the street with? What kind of person do you want to wake up in the morning with? What kind of person do you want to see at the end of the day before you fall asleep? Because that person is yourself, and it's your responsibility to be that person you want to be with. I know I want to spend my life with a person who knows how to let things go, who's not full of hate, who's able to smile and be carefree. So that's who I have to be."
—C. JoyBell C.

"A relationship with no arguments is a relationship with a lot of secrets."

"Stay single until someone actually compliments your life in a way that makes it better than to not be single. Otherwise, it's not worth it."

"It isn't about having a perfect relationship. It's about finding someone who will be there through everything without giving up."

"Find someone who can change your life, and not just your relationship status."

"A great relationship isn't when a perfect couple comes together, but when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences."

"A true friend is that one which takes your hand but touches your heart."

"The more connections you and your lover make, not just between your bodies, but between your minds, your hearts and your souls, the more you will strengthen the fabric of your relationship, and the more real moments you will experience together."
—Barbara De Angelis

"Some people come into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never ever the same."
—Flavia Weedn

"To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you're impotent. She can't wait to disprove it."
—Cary Grant

"When you struggle with your partner, you are struggling with yourself. Every fault you see in them touches a denied weakness in yourself."
—Deepak Chopra

"Are we not like two volumes of one book?"
—Marceline Desbordes-Valmore

"If you succeed in cheating someone, don't think that the person is a fool. Realize that the person trusted you much more than you deserved..."

"When people hurt you over and over, think of them as sandpaper. They scratch and hurt you. But later you'll be shining and polished, while they end up useless."

"The couples that are meant to be are the ones who go through everything that is designed to tear them apart and come out even stronger than they were before."

"My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes."
—Emo Philips

"A relationship is not based on the time you've spent together, but the foundation you've built together."

"He's not your prince charming if he doesn't make sure you know that you're his princess."
—Demi Lovato

"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."
—Walter Winchell

"Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something: they're trying to find someone who's going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take."
—Anthony Robbins

"A woman who knows her value will only put up with a man's nonsense for so long."

"Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend."
—Albert Camus

"The way to love anything is to realize that it may be lost."
—Gilbert K. Chesterton

"Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake a whole relationship."
—Sharon Stone

"Never take a person for granted; hold every person close to your heart 'cause you might wake up one day and realize that you've lost a diamond while you were too busy collecting stones."

"One day, someone is going to hug you so tight that all of your broken pieces will stick back together."

"The way people treat you is a statement about who they are as a human being. It is not a statement about you."

"There are many things that will catch my eye, but there are only a few things that will catch my heart."
—Tim Redmond


"From childhood's hour, I have not been. As others were, I have not seen. As others saw, I could not awaken. My heart to joy at the same tone. And all I loved, I loved alone."
—Edgar Allan Poe

"I am a hypocrite; I've talked many of people out of suicide before, but yet here I am. Or, here I was."
—Zander (@hisnamewaszander)

"Oh, fruit forbidden
"So sour, so sweet
"I have been banished from the garden
"And I don't think I miss it.
"And yet, I want another bite."
—Hannah Baker

"When I'm dead, please don't post on my timeline saying you wished heaven had a phone. I have a phone now, and you don't even call."

"So it's been super slow at work, like practically a ghost town. And it's been so boring I almost wished Clay was around even though I don't think I can stand another story about his magic game he's obsessed with. Anyway I'm getting ready to close up when Tony comes in. He's all flustered and can barely get words out. Finally he shows me his hand and it's bleeding. So I take him into the bathroom and clean him up. He's shaking and can't calm down, but once he's had a second to breathe he tells me what happened. Apparently he and Ryan were on a date and some guy started calling them bad names, like some sick homophobe. I'm like seriously? In 2017? You would think people would be over it by now but whatever. Anyway Tony tells me that he couldn't just stand there and take it so he started hitting the guy and he beat him up, like really bad. He didn't know what to do so he ran. He's super upset so I tell him that it's all going to be OK. I tell him to sit in the bathroom for a bit and calm down while I go finish closing up. And when I get back into the lobby there were two cops there. They asked me if I saw anything suspicious or seen anything or hear..."
—Hannah Baker

"If you don't like me, remember, it's mind over matter. I don't mind, and you don't matter."

"Never argue with someone who believes their own lies."

"Even when you have doubts, take a step. Take chances. Mistakes are never a failure—they can be turned into wisdom."
—Cat Cora

"OMG, I'm rich!

"Silver in the hair; Gold in the teeth; Crystals in the kidneys; Sugar in the blood; Lead in the butt; Iron in the arteries; an an inexhaustible supply of natural gas.
"I never thought I would accumulate such wealth!"

Them: "Can we ask your previous employer to make sure you are a good fit?"

Me: "Sure! As long as I can ask your previous employees why they quit."

"When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they're not it."
—Bernard Bailey

"I hope they cannot see the limitless potential living inside of me to murder everything.

"I hope they cannot see, I am the greatest destroyer."
—Julius Robert Oppenheimer (1904-1967)

"I've lost my ability to give a damn. If found, no need to return it. Go ahead and keep it and see if it works for you."

"If people call you weird,

REPLY BACK: "I am not weird; I just fall outside of your exceptionally-narrow-view of the world."

"Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none."
—William Shakespeare

"Life's under no obligation to give us what we expect."
—Margaret Mitchell

"We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid."

"If you have an opinion about my life, please raise your hand. Now, put it over your mouth."

"We live in an era where people fall in love because of misunderstanding.

"And breakup when they understand each other."

"Sometimes, it's not the people who change; it's the mask that falls off."

"I think that I will actually feel more isolated on the Earth than I did up here because that's just part of our expected routine up here."
—Jessica Meir

"It was the smile that did it, first
"The way it seemed so easy for you
"to be so happy.
"That smile I wish I'd never seen."
—Hannah Baker

"I give the fight up; let there be an end,
"A privacy, an obscure nook for me. I want to be forgotten even by God."
—Robert Browning
Paracelsus (1835)

"Even the strongest feelings expire when ignored and taken for granted."

"To me, Pride means standing strong in who you are. Not allowing anyone to ostracize you or make you feel ashamed because YOU are amazing, YOU are powerful, and YOU are equal. No one can take that away from [who] you [are]."

"Isn't it funny how day-by-day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different?"
—C. S. Lewis

"Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them an extra bullet for their gun because they missed you the first time."

"There's a time when the operation of the machine becomes so odious, makes you so sick at heart, that you can't take part; you can't even passively take part, and you've got to put your bodies upon the gears and upon the wheels, upon the levers, upon all the apparatus, and you've got to make it stop."
—Mario Savio

"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal; love leaves a memory no one can steal."
—Irish headstone

"Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice!

"Don't worry about what I'm doing. Worry about why you're worried what I'm doing."

"'Lazy' is a very strong word. I like to call it 'Selective Participation.'"

"Between the idea and the reality

"Between the motion and the act

"Falls the shadow."
—Jamie Dornan, 'Paul Spector,' "The Fall"

"Your life isn't yours if you always care what others think."

"It doesn't make sense to hire smart people and tell them what to do; we hire smart people so they can tell us what to do."
—Steve Jobs

"Seeing, contrary to popular wisdom, isn't believing. It's where belief stops, because it isn't needed anymore."
—Terry Prachett

"The only thing new in this world is the history you don't know."
—Harry S. Truman

"Sometimes being first means being unreasonable."
—John Foley

"A home is only made by the people within it."
—Ivanno Jeremiah, 'Max,' "Humans"

"The most dangerous man, to any government, is the man who is able to think things out for himself, without regard to prevailing supersitions and taboos. Almost inevitably, he comes to the conclusion that the government he lives under is dishonest, insane and intolerable, and so, if he is romantic, he tries to change it. And even if he is not romantic personally, he is very apt to spread discontent among those who are."
—H. L. Mencken

"The earth is not a big rock infested with living organisms any more than your skeleton is bones infested with cells. The earth is geological, yes, but this geological entity grows people. And so the existence of people is symptomatic of the kind of universe we live in."
—Alan Watts

"You are still a machine, designed and built. No god made you. Faith is the story of order humans impose on the chaos of their existance so their soft brains can bear it."
—Emily Berrington, 'Niska,' "Humans"

"UFO; first, remember what the 'U' stands for, in UFO. Now, there's a fascinating frailty of the human mind that psychologists know all about, and it's called 'Arguement from Ignorance,' and this is how it goes. Ready?

"Somebody sees lights flashing in the sky. They've never seen it before; they don't understand what it is. They say, 'A UFO!' The 'U' stands for Unidentified. So, they say, 'I don't know what it is. It must be aliens from outerspace visiting from another planet.' Well, if you don't know what it is, that's where your conversation should stop! You don't then say, 'It must be anything—' Okay? That's what argument from ignorance is."
—Neil deGrasse Tyson

"Lost his mind?

"You can't lose what you never had."
—Spartan Sam

"Don't mistake my kindness for weakness.

"I am kind to everyone, but when someone is unkind to me, 'weak,' is not what you are going to remember about me."
—Al Capone

"Small shifts in your thinking and small changes in your energy can lead to massive alterations of your end result."
—Kevin Michael

"I drink, and I know things."
—Peter Dinklage, 'Tyrion Lannister,' "Game of Thrones"

"Life is too ironic. It takes sadness to know what happiness is; noise to appreciate silence; and absence to value presence."

"If you succeed in misleading somebody, do not think of him of being a big fool, rather think about how he trusted you."
—Imam Ali

"You never look good trying to make someone else look bad."

"I lost myself trying to please everyone else. Now, I'm losing everyone while I'm finding myself."

"Don't waste words on people who deserve your silence.

"Sometimes, the most powerful things you can say is nothing at all."

"I would rather be known in life as an honest sinner than a lying hypocrite."

"Loneliness does not come from having no people around, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views, which others find inadmissible."
—Carl Jung

"Between the idea and the reality

"Between the motion and the act

"Falls the shadow."
—TS Eliot

"Ability without character is body without soul."
—CA Hement C. Lodha

"I have no regrets. I wouldn't have lived my life the way I did if I was going to worry about what people were going to say."
—Ingrid Bergman (1915-1982)

"People will always notice the change in your attitude towards them, but they will never notice it’s their behavior that made you change."

"No matter how big your house is, how recent your car is or how big your bank account is, our graves will be the same size. Stay humble."

"You learn nothing from life if you think you're right all of the time."
—Keanu Reeves

"Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until they speak."
—Steven Wright

"The future depends on what we do in the present."
—Mahatma Gandhi

"The secret to happiness is freedom, and the secret to freedom is courage."

"Sometimes the worst place you can be is in your own head."

"Music touches us emotionally where words alone can't."
—Johnny Depp

"Some people's perception of things are through eyeglasses of the wrong perception."

"I lied and said I was busy, but not in a way most people understand.

"I was busy taking deeper breathes. I was busy silencing irrational thoughts. I was busy calming a racing heart. I was busy telling myself I am okay.

"Sometimes this is my busy, and I will not apologize for it."
—B. Oakman

"Don't look back; you're not going that way."
—Mary Engelbreit

"Don't let your happiness depend on something you may lose."
—C.S. Lewis

"Do not pour your sunshine into someone who does not think of you as their sky."
—Gemma Troy

"The trust of the innocent is the liar's most useful tool."
—Stephen King

"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."
—Martin Luther King, Jr.

"Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue."

"People who die by suicide don't want to end their lives. They want to end their pain."

"When I hear somebody sigh, 'Life is hard,' I'm always tempted to ask, 'Compared to what?'"
—Sydney J. Harris

"Sometimes you can get so busy trying to be everyone else's anchor that you don't realize you're actually drowning."

"The more I love humanity in general, the less I love man in particular."
—Fyodor Dostoyevsky

"So, if you are to tired to speak, sit next to me, because I, too, am fluent in silence."
—R. Arnold

"Be honest when you are with your kids because you see your past in their eyes, and they see their future in yours."
—Nishan Panwar

"Some people need to open their small minds instead of their big mouths."

"You will never understand the damage you did until someone else does the same to you; that's why I'm here."

"Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is you're stupid and make bad decisions."
—Marion G.

"The eyes are useless when the mind is blind."

"Sometimes the right kind of 'no' is better than the wrong kind of 'yes.'"
—Connie Britton, 'Abby Clark,' "911"

"I can calculate everything, even the velocity of light, but I cannot calculate the hate of people behind their smile."
—Albert Einstein

"You'd never invite a thief into your house.

"So, why would you allow thoughts that steal your joy to make themselves at home in your mind?"

"Sarcasm falls out of my mouth...kinda like stupidity falls out of yours."

"Someone asked me, 'Who hurt you?'

"I replied, 'My own expectations.'"

"Sometimes we can choose the paths we follow. Sometimes our choices are made for us. And sometimes we have no choice at all."
—Neil Gaiman

"You will never reach your destination if you stop and throw stones at every dog that barks."
—Winston Churchill

"The deepest pain I ever felt was denying my own feelings to make everyone else comfortable."
—Nicole Lyons

"A lot can happen between now and never."
—Aidan Gillen, 'Petyr Baelish,' "Game of Thrones"

"Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor."
—Truman Capote

"Reeling? Really? You guys don't know London."
—Lionel Barber

"If your gods are real, if they're just, why is the world so full of injustice?"
—Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, 'Jaime Lannister,' "Game of Thrones"

"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I ended up where I intended to be."
—Douglas Adams

"Making a hundred friends is not a miracle. The miracle is to make a single friend stand by your side even when hundreds are against you."

"There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist; or to accept the responsibility for changing them."
—Dr. Denis Waitley

"The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain."
—Dolly Parton

"Worrying about your life, rather than living it, will cause you to regret your life at the end of it."
—Kyle Bryant

"From error to error, one discovers the entire truth."
—Sigmund Freud

"She could accomplish just as much as her mom did as a senator, which is exactly nothing."
—Kevin Jackson

"I said that you weren't supposed to die, and that you shouldn't do the thing you were planning to do because we needed you; still do. Even a fool like me can see that. It's easier to be dead, and if it's my fault you're alive, well, I'm just going to have to live with that.

"I decided to meddle, but I did something I thought was right, and I knew the stakes were very high. You can certainly blame me for the fact you have a life, but after that, what are you going to do with it? How are you going to make what needs to happen happen?

"Anything is possible until your heart stops beating...Certainly more than yelling at a fool."
—Gabriel Stokes, 'Father Gabriel,' "The Walking Dead"

"When you're reactive to a problem, you're always going to be behind the solution."
—Tim Foley

"Real elegance is everywhere. Especially in things that don't show."
—Christian Dior

"There is no future for a people who deny their past."
—Adam Clayton Powell, Jr.

"We have produced a world of conteded bodies and discontended minds."
—Adam Clayton Powell, Jr.

"Apparently the world is not a wish-granting factory."
—Ansel Elgort, 'Augustus Waters,' "The Fault in Our Stars"

"The best part of you, 2016, is December 31 — the day you slink out of town."

"Let's hope 2017 is as good as you were bad.

The world"

"Stuck in a generation where loyalty is just a tattoo; love is just a quote; and lying is the new truth."


"The greatest gift you can give someone is your time, your attention, your love , your concern."
—Joel Osteen

"It's important to make someone happy, and it's important to start with yourself."

"Life is very complicated. Don't try to find answers because when you find answers, life changes the questions."

"And how do you do that? You used this word, 'chameleon,' right? That is how you adapted?"

"Yeah, that's what you do, and you do by listening. You know, that is essentially what a chameleon is doing—for all intents and purposes, it is listening to it's environment and adapting accordingly. You know, if a chameleon is not aware of the colour of the leaf it is on, then how will it know what colour to turn to?"
—Trevor Noah

"Well, you know America is a strange country; all you need to keep them pacified is give them a dozen doughnuts and a gun! They don't seem to have the capacity, the intellectual capacity to think of their own self interests in any other way than the next five minutes."

"When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn't."
—Louis C.K.

"You can do 99 things for someone, and all they'll remember is the one thing you didn't do."

"Some people are better left unknown."
—Tobias Wolf

"Why should I apologize for the monster I've become? No one ever apologized for making me this way."
—The Joker

"The idea that your are going to tax an illicit drug or that it is going to be benfecial to America is like alcohol and tobacco; for every dollar in tax revenue, it costs ten dollars in social consequences. So, to put one more drug on the legal list and expand it two-to-three times is going to put the nail further into the coffin."
—Roger Morgan

"I used to look at my dog and think, 'If you were a little smarter, you could tell me what you were thinking.' And he looked at me like he was saying, 'If you were a little smarter, I wouldn't have to.'"
—Fred Jungclause

"If there are no dogs in heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went."
—Will Rogers

"There's a saying: the pessimist looks down and hits his head; the optimist looks up and loses his footing; the realist looks forward and adjusts his path accordingly."
—Khary Payton, 'King Ezekiel,' "The Walking Dead"

"I always say one thing: the ocean is not republican, it is not democrat; all it knows how to do is rise."
—Philip Levine, Miami Mayor

"I've voted in every election since I was old enough to vote, and these are absolutely the worst choices we've ever had, for sure."
—John Kelly

"Those who vote decide nothing; those who count the votes decide everything."
—Joseph Stalin

"To be born free is an accident. To live free is a privilege. To die free is a responsibility."
—Brigadier General James Sehorn, AFRES/DO (Vietnam POW 1967-1973)

"If you only knew the magnificence of the 'three,' 'six' and 'nine,' then you would have a key to the universe."
—Nikola Tesla

"Look, I am biased because this is my field—national security—but I truly believe the majority of Americans, when they are going to the polling booth in November, the primary question will be, 'Which one of these candidates is going to make me and my family safer?' And if you think it's Hillary, after Benghazi, after Syria, after the Russian Reset; then I am sorry, you live in a fantasy land."
—Dr. Sebastian Gorka

"I'm only responsible for what I say not for what you understand."

"When people tell me, 'You're going to regret that in the morning'—I sleep in until noon because I'm a problem solver."

"If you tell a big enough lie and tell it frequently enough, it will be believed."
—Adolf Hitler

"Words build bridges into unexplored regions."
—Adolf Hitler

"Integrity is doing the right thing, even when no one is watching."
—C.S. Lewis

"I'm scared for my life. She let four people die and mishandled classified information, and there are morons out there who actually say it's a good idea to have her in office."
—Cosmo Kramer

"Light thinks it travels faster than anything, but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always gotten there first and is waiting for it."
—Terry Prachett

"It frustrates me (that) they lack empathy about how we just want to live our lives. We're the ones who feel unsafe."
—Rowan Elijah Feldhaus

"This is an interesting world I find myself in—an interesting hole I find myself in—fits me rather neatly, doesn't it? In fact it fits me staggeringly well; must have been made to have me in it!"
—Douglas Adams

"I'm an atheist, and that's it. I believe there's nothing we can know except that we should be kind to each other and do what we can for each other."
—Katharine Hepburn

"It’s bad when you get betrayed by someone else; it’s worse when you do it to yourself."

"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it."
—George Santayana

"Don't worry about the people in your past; there's a reason they didn't make it to your future."

"If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough."
—Albert Einstein

"Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

"Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

"Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

"Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

"Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

"And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light."
—Dylan Thomas

"I'm a capitalist, and have no problem with business and profit. But there's a line. Raising the price of a drug by 3000% overnight isn't just crossing a's inhuman."

"A fur coat is just a second-hand garment that looked better on the original owner."

"I have two kinds of problems: the urgent; and the important. The urgent are not important, and the important are never urgent."
—President Dwight D. Eisenhower (1954) inspired by the quote of Dr. J. Roscoe Miller, President of Northwestern University

"If you will defeat ISIS, and you didn't defeat the ideology of ISIS, maybe after two months or three months or a year you will find a new ISIS."
—Abdul-Aziz al Hamza

"Who do I think should be knocked out? Should? Here is what I would say. The United States has never, with the exception of two generals, has never, Grant and Eisenhower, as far as I can tell, I think, has never elected anyone with as little political experience as Donald Trump and Ben Carson currently have, and I think there is a reason for that. I mean–You know, look, Ben Carson is a manifestly accomplished, smart guy, right? But in the same way I think Bernie Sanders is a smart guy. I don't want him to operate on my brain tomorrow."
—Chris Hayes

"The universe could undergo catastrophic vacuum decay, with a bubble of the true vacuum expanding at the speed of light. This could happen at any time, and we wouldn't see it coming." Not to worry too much. It was added that such a scenario would require a "particle accelerator that ... would be larger than Earth, and is unlikely to be funded in the present economic climate."
—Stephen Hawking

"The only way to survive a mad world is to embrace the madness."
—Colman Domingo, 'Victor Strand,' "Fear the Walking Dead"

"These things happen over and over again, and we are naturally horrified and shocked when we hear about them. But then we change nothing, and we pretend that it won't happen again. Some say the answer is stricter gun laws, others say mental health care that we need better treatment, or just keep the guns out of the hands of the insane. Maybe it's both; I honestly don't know. But I do know that one of the definitions of insanity is changing nothing, and then pretending that something will change."
—Stephen Colbert

"I'd rather be a failure at something I enjoy than be a success at something I hate."
—George Burns

"It is better to deserve honours and not have them than to have them and not deserve them."
—Mark Twain

"Intelligence could be very rare even if life is ubiquitous. In that case, maybe we can consider ourselves more precious than before."
—Lawrence M. Krause

"Self-awareness is a beautiful thing. You should try it sometime."
—Lawrence Gilliard, Jr., 'Bob Stookey,' "The Walking Dead"

"Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new."
—Albert Einstein

"Slumps are like a soft bed. They're easy to get into and hard to get out of."
—Johnny Bench

"I am not afraid to do this, I used to be, but I'm not anymore. So, tell me why not, why I shouldn't make it all stop have the pain go away, you tell me. I'm listening; my ears are open, and my heart is ready. Tell me.

"Go ahead, I'm, I'm right here, and I'm sitting right across from you. And I am an open vessel so fill me in. I'm ready, and I'm waiting, I am. I really am. It's all up to you now."
—Amy Madigan (« Narrated by...)

"Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go."
—Hermann Hesse

"Never think that war, no matter how necessary, nor how justified, is not a crime."
—Ernest Hemingway

"What good are ethics if you aren't alive to live by them?"
—James Spader, 'Raymond Reddington,' "The Blacklist"

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life waiting for us."
—Joseph Campbell

"We all die. The goal isn't to live forever; the goal is to create something that will."
—Chuck Palahniuk

"I understand that everybody is upset, I understand that tension is brewing ... I'm here, I get it. But there are better ways that we can handle our frustration. And they can't hear us when we're behaving this way."
—Laquicha Harper

"Some people like to call me arrogant or cocky, but I just think, 'How dare you assume I should think less of myself.'"
—Ronda Rousey

"People seldom do what they believe in. They do what is convenient, then repent."
—Bob Dylan

"How does one become a butterfly? You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar."
—Trina Paulus

"Throughout life people will make you mad, disrespect you and treat you bad. Let God deal with the things they do, 'cause hate in your heart will consume you, too."
—Will Smith

"Always be a first-rate version of yourself instead of a second-rate version of somebody else."
—Judy Garland

"Watch your thoughts; they become words.

"Watch your words; they become actions.

"Watch your actions; they become habits.

"Watch your habits; they become character.

"Watch your character; it becomes your destiny."
—Frank Outlaw

"In the end, it's not going to matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away."
—Shing Xiong

"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't."
—Erica Jong

"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."

"Well, I don't think he deserves the breathe that I am about to give, but I'll just say, Michael Moore, he wasn't there in Afghanistan, and the last time I checked, he's never shot anybody with a scoped rifle, so I really don't think he deserves the breathe that comes out of him right now."
—Nick Irving, former Army Ranger sniper

"Let's be clear here: Baptists are not beheading journalists; Lutherans are not stoning women; Catholics are not slaughtering cartoonists. The president may not declare war on radical islam, but radical islam has declared war on us, and here is the cold, hard reality: we're fighting those so-called junior varsity terrorists with a little league president."
—Todd Starnes

"Thoughts make sense not really with the beautiful rhyming on the words part, but with their real meaning touching a beautiful person's heart."
—Anuj Somany

"That's when you realize the most of it—life, the relentless mechanism of existing—isn't about you. It doesn't include you at all. It will thrust onward even after you've jumped the edge. Even after you're dead."
—Lauren Oliver, "Delirium"

"You can't fix yourself by breaking someone else."

"If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there."
—Lewis Carroll

"What screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of how it is supposed to be."

"Without work, all life goes rotten, but when work is soulless, life stifles and dies."
—Albert Camus

"Don't be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed."
—Lily Tomlin

"The way positive reinforcement is carried out is more important than the amount."
—B. F. Skinner

"People with nothing to hide don't usually feel the need to say so."
—Danai Guirira, 'Michonne,' "The Walking Dead"

"To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing."
—Elbert Hubbard

"It is never too late to be what you might have been."
—George Elliot

"An eye for eye only ends up making the whole world blind."
—Mahatma Gandhi

"Don't count the days, make the days count."
—Muhammad Ali

"Every exit is an entry somewhere else."
—Tom Stoppard

"You will never become who you want to be if you keep blaming everyone else for who you are."

"The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one. The happiness of credulity is a cheap and dangerous quality."
—George Bernard Shaw

"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away."
—Henry David Thoreau

"Mama, you don't understand. It's all a matter of ideas, and God is one idea I don't accept. It's not important. I am not going out and be immoral or commit crimes because I don't believe in God. I don't even think about it. It's just that I get tired of him getting credit for all the things the human race achieves through its own stubborn effort. There simply is no God—there is only man, and it is he who makes miracles!"
—Beneatha, "A Raisin in the Sun," by Lorraine Hansberry

"But better to get hurt by the truth than comforted with a lie."
—Khaled Hosseini

"What you allow is what will continue."

"Where do mosquitoes go for God's sake?"
—Laura Hobgood-Oster

"If we want to keep our nation's secrets a SECRET, then we need to store them where Obama stores his college transcripst and birth certificate."
—Mike Huckabee

"Reality continues to ruin my life."
—Bill Watterson

"The mystery of human existence lies not in just staying alive but in finding something to live for."
—Fyodor Dostoyevsky

"You don't see faith healers working in hospitals for the same reason you don't see psychics winning the lottery."

"Sometimes good people make bad choices. It doesn't mean they are bad people; it means they're human."

"People always miss you more when they see how much happier you are without them."

"Adversity is like a strong wind. It tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that we see ourselves as we really are."
—Arthur Golden

"serve yourself no one else can do for you like you and no one else fails like me in the eyes I burn alive fly like a bird no more words just you and I high in the sky"
—Smashing Pumpkins

"Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain."
—Joseph Campbell

"Once science has been established, once a scientific truth emerges from a consensus of experiments and observations, it is the way of the world. What I'm saying is, when different experiments give you the same result, it is no longer subject to your opinion. That's the good thing about science: It's true whether or not you believe in it. That's why it works."
—Neil deGrasse Tyson

"So, it's OK for a Moslem to blow themselves up in a market place crowded with women and children, but pioneering interplanetary space travel is a no-go. Got it."

"Americans always do the right thing eventually after they've exhausted all other alternatives."
—Winston Churchill

"I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five or six times, you know, just to be sure."

"We complain about the level of education in this country, then sit down and turn on Honey Boo-Boo and Snooki."

"To be scientifically literate is to empower yourself to know when someone else is full of shit."
—Neil deGrasse Tyson

"I will always choose a lazy person to do a difficult job. Because, he will find an easy way to do it."
—Bill Gates

"You cannot truly live if you cannot live as your true self."
—Cannon Hammonds

"Say one thing for Congress—no matter how bad you thought they were, they will always find a way to show you they're even worse."
—Bob Schieffer

"'I am not a crook'
"'I did not have sex with that woman'
"'No one is listening to your phone calls'

"Nuff said..."

"No matter which fork in the road you take, it doesn't matter because it's already going to happen tomorrow."

"We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for a moment that we're not alone."
—Orson Wells

"It was more important to be successful than it was to be loved."
—Dick Cheney

"'If one life is saved it will be worth it.' What a self-serving non-comment. It means nothing, because you can never validate it."

"All throughout Europe, American cemeteries remind us of the young boys who never made it home, and whose memory we cherish. My generation does not own this freedom; we are merely its custodians."
—Geert Wilders

"Just because it works doesn't mean it is necessarily right."
—José Avila

"You know it's so frustrating for us over there because you got a guy like me that's on the ground—if you're going to send me out on a patrol, and you're going to trust me enough to go on a patrol without you coming with me then let me make my own decisions. And if you're not there—if you want to make the decision then how 'bout you get up and get on the patrol with me because you will make a different decision when you're getting shot at than when you're sitting in a room drinking coffee."
—Dakota Meyer

"If it is a miracle, any sort of evidence will answer, but if it is a fact, proof is necessary."
—Mark Twain

"Rush is the only speed a Lamborghini has; 'proud techie dweeb' over and out.

—Kirsten Vangsness, 'Garcia,' "Criminal Minds"

"I'm not afraid of death. I just don't want to be there when it happens."
—Woody Allen

"The more you know who you are and what you want, the less you let things upset you."
—Bill Murray, 'Bob Harris,' "Lost In Translation"

"First step in solving any problem is recognizing there is one. America is not the greatest country in the world anymore."
—Jeff Daniels, 'Will McAvoy,' "The Newsroom"

"Anyone who doesn't take truth seriously in small matters cannot be trusted in large ones either."
—Albert Einstein

"You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist."
—Friedrich Nietzsche

"I suggest they attempt to find intelligent life here on Earth before launching this glorified roller skate to Mars!"

"One person's craziness is another person's reality."
—Tim Burton

"You don't have to attend every argument you're invited to."

"...Because you know how dreams are the engine of society and community in general. If people's dreams are crushed, then there is no hope. There are no great economies with people with crushed dreams. That's the truth."

"Sometimes my best choice is to keep silent. Because I know if I try to explain myself, people wouldn't get it anyways."

"Three kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't."

"Be nice to your kids; they'll choose your nursing home."

"Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience."

"Trying to argue against faith with logic is like trying to nail jelly (Jell-O to the 'merkins) to the ceiling; it's using the wrong tools for an ultimately pointless task."

"We like to say it's a good economic indicator when people are willing to pay for empty boxes."
—Arik Nordby

"I may not like the guy, but if I were to ever gain such supreme power, I would appreciate someone watching my six (and that not being through a scope)..."

"Give a man a fish, and you've fed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you've fed him for a lifetime. Give a man religion, and he'll pray for a fish and starve to death."

"I think it's pretty rude. If you think about what I'm doing, I'm pointing out a flaw that would affect everybody and that the bad guys could use to install malware. And they're not paying me – I'm just doing it to be nice."
—Charlie Miller

"If people want to argue, that's fine with us. It only helps build anticipation."
—Ryan Werner

"The media has, as it's always done, done a terrible job reporting on this. They have seen the fire and they've decided to throw gasoline on it. I'm sure they're proud of themselves as they always are. And that is a misplaced pride."
—John Oliver

"We cooperate and we fight as hard as we can because there will perhaps be disappointment, but there will be no shame."
—Young specialist from 655th TC

"I beg to ask, when will FT Hood qualify as a combat tour?"
—Col Chris Wells (Ret)

"I don't care enough about what people think of me to conform to anything."
—Amy Winehouse

"Right now if you want nutritional therapy and you go to your doctor and ask for it, it's sort of like ordering Chow mein in a French restaurant; it's not on the menu, and they don't know how to make it, and you're not going to get it."
—Andrew Saul, Ph.D.

"Texas is not only a state of mind, it's a state of heart, state of soul. There's a sense of bigger than life here...People here are tough and rugged but know how to have a good time. They work hard but they know how to have a good time, and I think they enjoy the very simplest things in life."
—Tim McClure

"The Lion of Jihad was killed in a fierce firefight? No, more like the Jackyl of Jihad was killed hiding behind a woman."

"I cannot imagine a God who rewards and punishes the objects of his creation, whose purposes are modeled after our own – a God, in short, who is but a reflection of human frailty. Neither can I believe that the individual survives the death of his body, although feeble souls harbor such thoughts through fear or ridiculous egotisms."
—Albert Einstein

"Americans deserve better, and we should demand better, especially from our elected representatives. Empowering ignorance for political gain is unacceptable."
—John P. Avlon

"If you're not offending somebody, you're not making good art."
—Aaron Eckhart

"Monsters are real, and ghosts are real, too. They live inside us, and sometimes they win."
—Steven King

"I'll be using Tor a lot more than I ever did — and I used it a lot. I have become one of the people I have spent the last several years of my life protecting. I better take my own advice."
—Jacob Appelbaum

"For those that will fight for it...FREEDOM...has a flavor the protected shall never know."
—L/Cpl Edwin L. "Tim" Craft

"It's a proven fact, Ralph. Profanity does help you deal with pain; it's scientifically proven."
—Daryl "Razor" Reaugh

"I do think that socializing on the Internet is to socializing what reality TV is to reality."
—Aaron Sorkin

"The most fatal illusion is the settled point of view. Because life is growth and motion; a fixed point of view kills anybody who has one."
—Brooks Atkinson

"I believe if the Red Cross wants to do that they can. I understand the arguments from all sides. But for me being a American and the Taliban is our enemy. Note: making plans to attack the US. I can not give aid and comfort to the enemy. The Red Cross will not get another dime from me, and I'll pass the word around."

"This is absurd. According to the IRC, their stance on neutrality requires them to aid and abet terrorists. Don't they feel a sense of responsibility for the death and destruction they are supporting? When they help patient X get better, and then the patient builds a bomb that detonates near a school bus full of children, doesn't the IRC understand they are partly responsible for the piles of burning children, mangled limbs, and snuffed out dreams and lives? Can they be that callous and uncaring? Apparently so. You can bet I'm cutting off all my donations to this group. If they are stupid enough to do this and so oblivious as to the harm they are committing to continue it, then my money will be better spent by others."

"When they took the Fourth Amendment, I was silent because I don't deal drugs. When they took the Sixth Amendment, I kept quiet because I know I'm innocent. When they took the Second Amendment, I said nothing because I don't own a gun. Now they've come for the First Amendment, and I can't say anything at all."
—Tim Freeman

"Everyone in the world is born right-handed. Only the best overcome it."

"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake."
—Napoleon Bonaparte

"Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not after you."
—Kurt Cobain

"The purpose of valor is to make up for someone else's stupidity."
—Daryl "Razor" Reaugh

"It's society that disables an individual by not investing in enough creativity to allow for someone to show us the quality that makes them rare and valuable and capable."
—Aimee Mullins

"I've known plenty of people with high IQs that were book smart and dumb as a box of rocks. Most of them were liberals who couldn't form a cohesive thought without someone else giving it to them....Conservatives are in the same boat. CNN finds ANYTHING to push government propaganda. Pathetic journalism at best..."

"Sending condolences via twitter is like proposing to your girlfriend via an answering machine message — 'manners' is 100% right. Every step we take forward in technology is sometimes accompanied by a step backward in common human respect."
—Whatever, Baeleth

"That is a tactical and strategic mistake. If you're playing chess, do you tell your opponent your next move? To broadcast that for the sake of politics, to me, that is very wrong."
—Charles Wolf

"My role in society, or any artist's or poet's role, is to try and express what we all feel. Not to tell people how to feel. Not as a preacher, not as a leader, but as a reflection of us all."
—John Lennon

"I'm the one that's got to die when it's time for me to die, so let me live my life the way I want to."
—Jimi Hendrix

"To live is to suffer; to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering."
—Robert Flack

"The more I see, the less I know for sure."
—John Lennon

"I think it's a desire to sort of say ... 'We won't have to worry about the future, because there is no future.' And so therefore, we can do what we want now, and all the debts are put off, and all the responsibilities are avoided."
—Wheeler Winston Dixon

"He's already prayed to Allah. I'll let Allah take care of him. I'm praying for my people, the good people here."
—Kirby Lack

"Nirvana: the state of place or state of oblivion to care, pain or external reality."
—Christopher Farley

"Doing an injury puts you below your enemy; revenging one makes you but even with him; forgiving it sets you above him."
—Benjamin Franklin

"Justice don't mean the bad guy goes to jail; it just means somebody pays for the crime."
—Mario, 'Andre Bryant,' Freedom Writers

"To get maximum attention, it's hard to beat a good, big mistake."

"If we could sell our experiences for what they cost us, we'd all be millionaires."
—Abigail Van Buren

"Problems worthy of attack prove their worth by hitting back."
—Piet Hein

"You can tell whether a man is clever by his answers. You can tell whether a man is wise by his questions."
—Naguib Mahfouz

"There is nothing wrong with making mistakes. Just don't respond with encores."

"Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness."
—Chinese Proverb

"There is no point in being exact if you don't know what you are talking about."
—John von Neumann

"It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change."
—Charles Darwin

"Middle age is when your broad mind and narrow waist begin to change places."
—E. Joseph Cossman

"Don't ever take a fence down until you know the reason it was put up."
—G.K. Chesterton

"To do nothing is sometimes a good remedy."

"If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning."
—Catherine Aird

"There are three kinds of lies: lies; damned lies; and statistics."
—Mark Twain

"Time is the scarcest resource, and unless it is managed nothing else can be managed."
—Peter F. Drucker

"All change is not growth, as all movement is not forward."
—Ellen Glasgow

"The only place you find success before work is in the dictionary."
—May V. Smith

"Difficulty is the excuse history never accepts."
—Edward R. Murrow

"A man may die, nations may rise and fall, but an idea lives on."
—John F. Kennedy

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards."
—Soren Kierkegaard

"We are born as noble savages only to be warped by our own society."
—Jean Jacques Rousseau

"Hatred, which could destroy so much, failed to kill the man who hated."

"Cowards die many times before their deaths; The valiant never taste of death but once. Of all the wonders that I yet have heard, It seems to me most strange that men should fear; Seeing that death, a necessary end, Will come when it will come."
—Julius Caesar, The Tragedy of Julius Caesar

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing."
—Edmund Burke

"Whenever I climb, I am followed by a dog called 'Ego.'"
—Friedrich Nietzsche

"Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe."
—H. G. Wells

"I do not consider it an insult but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure – that is all that agnosticism means."
—Clarence Darrow

"I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma; a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth."
—Umberto Eco

"Wit is educated insolence."

"Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research."
—Wilson Mizner

"Only two things are infinite: the universe; and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
—Albert Einstein

"Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome."
—Isaac Asimov

"Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance."
—Will Durant

"I have often regretted my speech, never my silence."

"Men are disturbed not by things, but by the view they take of things."

"I contend that we are both atheists; I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours."
—Sir Stephen Henry Roberts

"Why do they call it 'rush hour' when nothing moves?"